Chi chi chi chia

I gave birth today!  To a chia pet.  It fell out of my "down there" area. My special place. The area that makes wee wee and where I put peanut butter.  For my dog.  

 I name my baby The Bendz.  After my friend of which I blogged about some time ago yesterday or the yesterday before that.  I seem to have misplaced that character when he was poor.  In France.Where I go sometimes.  On my Concord. Maybe he got lost there?  Maybe he "fell" into a hole and hit his head and bled to death.  And then somehow got buryed by some kind person who saw a dead Bendz and helped by doing that. For him. There. At France.

So I'm hear in Vegas wear I grew up in and have lived all my life.  And let me tell you something.  I suck at poker.  Big Time.  Like I do not have a doller left.  I sold Mamma Dell to get some money for more poker but they wouldn't take her back when she wandered away.  

I am more better at playing the robots.  They are on all the time at Casino but they don't talk at all.  Lol

Being batshit crazy is really really really really hard.
And stuff

I have owned a casstle castile castil  house in the Vegas which I call Condo because I am too fucking ignorant to know any better that is were my boy trips are were we all hang out and get into hot tub and talk about our feelings.  You know, normal boy stuff.  Wild and crazy guys! Lol Sometimes one of A. Friends will drop the "F" bomb.  Which I don't.  

So no girls allowed at Condo.  In the Vegas.  Due to :
Men do not curse in front of wormens.

So I loan the house out to my friends.  Since I am kichillionare CEO Banjo playing Single Vegan catholic.  I trust them to not open my 20 year old can of spagetti os. They are just a swell bunch of guys.  
And I do land scapering in the back of the condomonium where I plant things like bones.  Sometimes innards.  Its pieceful there.  And then I sold the house (huh?) and now instead moved the party from my old condimentium to a nother house which is a rental 2 blocks away. From the condo. From which I used to live. AT.

It Used to be a crack den and there are some left over hookers there.  So that is where I live now.  Because living in a Conto did not suit my lifestyle of Single Vegan Catholic GUY which I am.  Currently.

The cheeseburgers hear in Vegas of Viva are great!  I usually eat 7 a day at second breakfast.  But not for first lunch.  First lunch is corned beef.  Second lunch is pasta.  First dinner is can of dudley moore.  Second dinner is can of Demi Moore.  She tastes terrific. And her hair is more pretty than Dudley's. Duh.

I hired a kid a few months ago named Mark to eat the grass out back.  He is tied up to the fence rite now.  We are going to make a office so we can do flipping of houses and make a nother Kachillion dollers.  Its so easy to flip.  first buy a crack den.  Kill the hookers.  Eat the grass.  Paint a wall and BOOM!  You is fucking rich bitch.

Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you see me?
Papa can you find me in the night?
Bloody corpse staggering toward me....
Another squeeze of the trigger should keep you down.

So i am going to rite a book about my idears.  About doing condum flipping.  Since I am so good at it.  I will put it for sale and link it every where like spam in my can.  Junk in my trunk. Sinse I already told you readers about how I do it, It can be like my special present for you.  My loyal minions.  YOU  SMELL TERRIFIC.

I and Mark the kid are moving toward Casino inversterings.  As I already own Boardwalk and Park Place.  Mark is a good kid.  He has 2 Moms.  And 4 Dads.  And a partridge in a pear tree.

He is a J.E.W.  Where he wears a hat.  And got his penis cut off at a briskening.  Of which I was invited.  That party was real good.  I met Madonna.  There at the place of party.  And then we had jello. J E L L O.  Once Bill Cosby tried to have ear sex with me.  When I was a boy.  But now I am man.  Here me rawr.  I no that Mark will do good job on monopoly while I am away at Chicago.  The land of swiss cheese.  I like cheese.  Moo.

I have construction paper companys.  12 of them.  Their doing good too.  And we are always booked up.  No rooms left at the inn.  3 wise men staggered by to praze me.  The Jesus.  The God.  The Oz.  
So lets do a tally of all that I am

Killer of Father
Killer of Finance
Killer of unborn son
Non convicted killer of missing friend, The Bendz
Attempted to kill brother
But succeeded on 2nd try
Sold Mother
Experct at writting books about flipping condums
Owner of a plain
Have 2 Houses in Utah
Own 12 construction paper companys
Own robots in Casino (might own Casino too?)
Own a crack den in Vegas
but not really since it's a rental but I'm flipping it anyway
Killer of a few crack whores
Have a friend who got his Mr. Winky cut off
Own Board Walk
Own Park Place
Father of monkey named Alex
Killed twin monkey named Heston 
CEO
Banjo player
Vegan
Single
Catholic
Son of God
Son of Christ
Son of Sam
Sam I am
Zorro
Oz
Christ
God

Character development 101. You're welcome.

 Drops the Mike.

I hate my brother

Sam Wow here!
Mood: D'Loosh anal

When I was a young girl I lived at Family House with Father and Mamma and then a boy child came by way of stork witch was a bad thing for me because I was a gifted child and he was just a normal boy child so I wanted more attentions from parental peoples of which I was assigned by the overloard and so I tryed to help by putting baby in hot water to cook him because I think fresh meet is best but Mamma only bought the frozen at the market of which food stuffs are purchased.

So I had pretty much a normal childhood of laughing and laughing and laughing.  I was sent away to a place to make me not kill the boy child and so then I got taken back to my Family House and brother was now walking and that was a real challange for me because he can run away from me when I needed to "help" him do things like dye.

Father was not asplaining to me why he did things with boy child like : to fish, on boat, by lake and such. Because I always did those things with Father unit.  And I got mad.  I blamed all creatures on the earth for this misery of mine so I killed all creatures that I could catch.  Birds, squirrels, cats, mice, and armadildos were hunted experctly by me and then I would hide the burnt bodies under bed of brother.

Itwasntmyfault but I got in trouble by Father and he was so mad.  So I killed him.

I got sended away for 10 years to Xanadoo and when I return, boy brother was gone.  Father was gone.  Mamma Dell was found at the bottom of a whiskey bottle where I wished she could come out of and she did temporarily.

So I pretty much ruined lives of:
Father
Mother
Brother
Grandfather
Grandfather
Uncle
Uncle
Uncle
Uncle
Cousin
Uncle
and my Cousin Uncle of which is a relative by relative marriage.

And so I decided that before I return to the mother ship, I needed to forgive the Brother of his misdeeds. So I told him, "You.  Need to apology to me" and then his lawyer and a few cops showed up about the restraining order he put out on me years ago and he renews it every year.  Ass whole.  It hurted me alot.  I was tolded I could not be in his life anymore which broked my heart twice.  Then he died.  Not by me.  At all.  People that share a hurting together should rewrite facts.  So I did. And so did I.

 You may not get back the same story you remember. You may learn the Why or the How from it. 

Why?  Because he is Boy Child not my Boy Child but sibling Boy Child.

How?  Shotgun blast to the head

 I love ya’ll. I loves you too!

TODAY I AM MORMONIZED

Sam Wow here!
Mood:  Ritalin

So today I am mormon.  I got a book. For free. and I think all mormons have a bunch of wives.  Had I really thought this thing through properly, I would have just joined ISIS because they have lots of wives and they are each allowed to buy slaves.  But I didn't.  Because I don't own a penis, Also: and jail.  Lol Also I don't speak Aruba.  Of which is the language of them.

So I trolled every Mormonized site that I culd for months and months and months and months under the pretense that I was:
Sam
CEO
Banjo playa
Vegan
Catholic
Single
or SCBVCS for short.  Cuz thats how I roll. Lol

Anyhole, I was sent a book of Mormonilizm. Witch I tried to read.  But the font was small.  And I reely only wanted cliffs notes.  Mr. Cliff is supper smart with all his books. And I went over to spaceship of were I was baptized for Mormon.  But then I found out they do not let pologymisty anymore and I joined the rong religion for that.

So, then I was like, I don't want you anyway because I am Christ I am the son of Christ, I am the Son Of Sam and Murmaids is not my religion and it was dissolved.  Right there at spaceship.  

So first things first.  Second things second.  Third things first.  I am the trinity. Hear me meow.
Meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow
Hsssssssssssssssssssssssssss 
Bears
Beets
Battlestar Galactica

Look.  Family is important.  How does a person collect wormens that actually stay indoors with out being tied to chair in front of color TV in House Shed by Big Back Yard?

Abduction.  That's how. 

I am trying to find out why me, the Son of Sam, does not have a second testament about ME.  Son. Of. Sam.  Published.  In languages such as:
The English
The Aruba
Austarlia
Paris

I wuld like one to be there for me.  To read all about ME.  ME. I am my passion.  ME.  So I read about the religion:  Fist Communion.  I enjoyed it very much.  I am thinking about riting a book too.  But only after I read other religions such as:
Me
Sam
Vegan
Catholic

Then I could a probably do riting.

I would love to get comments all about how fascinating I am from EWE. So I am opening the comments which are normally closed.  Because trolls.
So it's open and I love to hear all about how I am the SON OF SAM here with my own religion and how supper smart I am.

Till then ya'll, don't forget, I AM ALWAYS WATCHING EWE

So this just happened

Alex tried to poopie on the turlet!
I am such a proud father.
I cried and cried and cried.

Image borrowed from fugly.com
A place where I live. At.

Fathers' Day

Sam here. Mood: Pensive. Back story: 100 percent cock-a-doodie untruths.

Every year on Fathers' days, I think about my father who I murdered.  Who ran away.  Who died a tradegety and about my son who I genenetically manufactured into a womb of a Lisa who is also deaded.  

To my dad who wasn't the greatest guy at all but did try to learn me rite from rong but he worked all the live long day:  I hate you.  You left me with Mamma Dell.  She is crazy.  I am sorry Father for art witch I sinned.  By setting squirells on fire.  I am sorry I put you soooo out of your way by picking me up at lake of which I drowned the cats.  I am sorry I poked holes in your condominiums for which made my brother happen.  I am sorry I put baby in hot water hot water burn baby HOT WATER BURN BABY.  You taught me to stick by family so cops won't find me.  Yet you will not stick to family.  Because you are in ground hole in Big Back Yard. By House Shed. Of were I live.

To my genetically manufactured son, spawn of 7 seamens.  Turkey baster not included.  Purchased seperately at store. : you are deaded.  I hardly knew ya.  Except for the intense bonding where I talked to your mom's belly sac witch was easy because she was gagged and bound.  I MISS EWE.

So I am going to PARIS next week.  Like I tole you readers about in a blog post.  Before this blog post.  I will block out all social media so that trolls cant hurt me.  Again. With truth and stuff.

DON'T FORGET YA'LL, I GOTSA HICK ACCENT AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO USE IT.  I AM ALWAYS WATCHING EWE.

Looking for love under my couch

Sam here
Paranoid
Delusional
Virgin
No driver's license 

CEO
many companys of which I have
Father of a living twin monkey called Alex
I ate Heston
Banjo player
Vegan
Catholic
Single and ready to mingle.
Pilot
Plain owner of concords.jet
Had tea with the Queen of the English
Real good stick figure drawer of
Went to Austarlia
Own homes in UTAH
Shipping my slave to CHICAGO in a suitcase
Going to French
And now: MARINE!

When I was younger I went to a building were they're were people who had books. To learn from. I would go they're on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  From 9 am to 3 pm.  And we got to have lunch.  At lunch time.

We had a playground to play on and I reely liked it they're.  But when I started to grow dirty pillows, I had feelings that I could not explain.  Until Lisa...sweet Lisa.  My girlfriend they're.  We dated on and off for a hole day until the teachers called our parents and we were told that it unnatural and we were going to go to hell.  So then I went to a place where they do electric shock therapy and it was fun. Lol

Then I joined the Marines.  So 8 years later when I got back from Marines, Lisa was rite there at airport and I and her went right back to were we started 8 years ago at building with teachers.  I tricked her into getting into my car and I drove to were I live. At base.  With Marines.  I asked did she want a glass of water and she did.  So I roofied her.  

Dang! Dating is so hard these days for someone leik me.  So I kept a steady stream of "mamma's little helper pills" to keep Lisa from running away from me.  It was like we picked up right where we left things. Before I joined the Marines Team.  We did stuff like the worship at the church of The Catholic, of which I am a member of.  And I once took her to a bar but I forgot to bring her back home and I had to drive back there to find her and she was in a back seat of some guy's car taking a nap so I just carried her off to my House Shed by back yard.  And put her on the sitting chair with ropes like I usually do.

I had to do some court appointed thing that I am totally innocent of but I think it was mistaken identity or something like that.  Anyhole, I must have forgotten to tie up Lisa because when I got back home she wasn't on her sitting chair.  Any more.  I looked and looked but couldn't find her.  I was sad.  And paranoid.  What if the cops come?  So I found all the pills from which I was feeding her and I put it in a plastic bag that usually houses things like:

sang wiches
jelly beans
severed fingers
and such


So then about 3 months later she knocked on my shed door and I answered it.  And boy was I a surprized!  She was pregnant!  With my son.  Only sons can be born because girls get dirty pillows and have to go to the time out closet to pray the gay away.  She, Lisa, was a confuse about time and lost 3 months of her life as she has no memorys. Of it at all. 

You know when God tells you stories of faith and love and then he tells you to do something about it? So I followed my God's advice and I told her she can stay with me and we would finger it out.  About what to do.  With a boy child on the way I could not be happyier.  And then her family and my family pressurized us to get married. But God told me nope, not this one.  She is going to die under your couch if you marry her.  So I did not marry the Lisa.

And I found out while I was away at Marines, being completely faithfull to her because let's face facts, who's gonna have sex with this guy?  I'm not even real! Lol

She had been through relation ships with man/mens, an army of manly men who did not treat her rite. At all. They did sex to her. And then did not call the next day.  How rude!

So Linda/Lindz/Lisa did reside with me.  At shed house and we were happy but I did not marry or propose or that because God.   But she and I, I and she were not communication with each other with truth.  Or simply put, we did lies.  To each others.  Alot.

She escaped by chewing through the ropes of witch I used to make her stay because I did not want to roofie my baby mamma.  Until after my son was born witch he was not.  And she grabbed Mamma Dell's keys and took off in the car so fast that she hit a electrics pole head on and she died.
Killing her instantly and my son.
I went to therape and lost my minds.
They made me into a funtioning robot and I got to play with tin foil all day.  So I got locked away for 10 years.  At aslyum.
And when I got out I was like, no.  I'm not doing that again. Because dead Lisa's can't love me.  And jail.

So I had to narrow a list for next victims
1)  Goodly women with no baby full of chillrens
2) A heart beat
3) Wants to have twin boys
4) Plays into my fantasy of being a kichillionare
5) Not talk to me like I am a serial killer
6) No drug resistance to roofies

So I aquired my next target.  I have her in my house but she's freaking out rite now and I last seen my roofie stash in a plastic bag under my couch.  ONE PILL is all that stands between me and TRUE love.
Sometimes love is a real gosh durn pain in the backside!

The morals of the story is this.
If you have a running victim, hide the car keys.  Because if someone escapes from you in a car and they hit the electrics pole, you will not have electrics to the Color TV for a hole week.  And then I miss my favorite show.  On which my Girl Friend lives.

Have a great Saturday or Sunday or Monday or Tuesday or whatever day this is!~
Don't forget, I AM ALWAYS WATCHING EWE

Buying 3 houses in the Utah is so much fun

Hey Every one
Sam here
Sham wow
Vegan
Catholic

I am practising on my new banjo and I am haveing so much fun here in UTAH because The Lindz is with me.  So since I have a kachillion dollars, I decided I would purchase a house hear in UTAH because.

So I made a offer on 3 houses because everyone in real estates knows that if you want to purchase a house, you need to make offers on a bunch of homes. All at once. It's like the lottery where you make an offer on all the houses and then if you win, then you get a house.  I'm totally fucked if all the owners take my offers because how does a kachillionare with a monkey live in a bunch of homes at once?  I'll tell you how.  Time machine.  Thank The Sam, The Catholic, The God that I have one.  Lol

So I am only needing 2 houses in Utah that I think I'll flip up there.  In the sky.  Where God lives. I saw a show on TV and it seems to be a very low energy and easy way to make money.  Which I don't need.  Because I am rich.

I am going to Paris in the France in a few days for a week.  I haven't decided yet if it is a vacation, work related or other some sort of trip.  I failed to plan ahead so I don't know if I have a business there that I am CEO of at of at of at.

I have been planning this trip to France for several months.  Before I even started the blog of which I am author at.  But I have to work from 9am to 3 pm on Monday
Tuesday
WEdnesday
Thursday
and
Friday and I get a one hour lunch so tecnically I could get to France on my lunch break on my CONCORD witch I bought last week.  It's only a 15 minute flite.  I am a good pilot. How about them Argonauts!  I watched the game live at the arena here and it was fantastical.  I sat on the field.  Up front.  I know all the players and when they were done with football, they invited me to they're party.  I didn't go because Mamma Dell told me I needed to scrape the dirt off my House Shed by back yard or we would get a nother fine from the housing authority.  Lol

Being a CEO kachillionare single banjo playing Vegan Catholic with a monkey named Alex, I sometimes get idears in my head about stuff. Like my girlfriend. Who I don't share anything about.  Because she asked me not to. Last night she proposed marriage to me. It was sweet.  I didn't know she could formulate words and express them with the ball gag still in her mouth. I asked her why she did that.  Because I told her that is not how our proposal is apposed to go.  So I locked her in the closet to learn her about how I AM IN CHARGE NOT HER.   She learned her lesson and I let her out after an hour.  I needed to think.  The voices in my head are very loud now.  So I tied her up on a chair in front of the color TV while I stepped out into Back Yard to think about stuff.  I was mad so I did not turn on the color TV. She can sit and think about that. Lol

I thought, "self, you must be doing something right if slave asked you to marry her" so I went back into House Shed there by Back Yard and I decided not to slice and dice her.  Instead I laughed at her for hours and hours.  It was romantical.  I am seriously thinking about placing slave into suitcase and shipping her to CHICAGO where I live.  

That is all I want to share about her because this is a sacred relation ship betweeen me and slave.  And because she asked me not to. 

(Sometimes the best shit is "Sam's" comments)

Austarlia

where kangaroos live

and fuzzy bears that climb on trees

eating leaves

Austarlia

where I once have been on trip

I did

enjoy Austarlia

Austarlia 

of which I did not google

did not buy book on

did not read about

Austarlia

do you have a sea

I know Olivia Newton John personally

Austarlia

your beaches fascinate me

nakedity of wormens on there

tantalize me

bouncing flesh everywhere

I am so hungry for you 

Austarlia

Pome by Samuel Cooper

a person who personally went to Austarlia

copy rited today

on intranets