Friday night after work I flew my family to London via Austarlia and
got in a little later than I wanted to (because of wife and her
condition witch I will tell you about in another blog post but not now)
Butt it worked out. We got the boys fed. Mickey Dees is famous for
their vegan selection. Vegan cheeseburgers, fries and bacon for the
twins. Uncle Drew (who the hell is Uncle Drew?) and my wife don't get
along. Drew keeps insisting that I'm not real, Shyster wife says I am
real and he's a troll. So they don't get along. Plus he wants to mate
with her. Poke her. Do it with her. Bump uglies with her. Doing
McNasty. Play on all fours. Play hide the sausage. You know, DO SEX
TO HER. She got creeped out because 1) she and I, I and she are
marriage and B:) She thinks "doing it" with a guy who has 6 toes on each
foot is super gross. He's an inbred. Like me. but I didn't get the 6
toes on each foot. I got sharks teeth. Only 2 rows. My teeth fall
out all the time Lol. So they are civil to each others but if either
one starts talking then all heck brakes lose. Gosh durnit in tarnation
they really get Ramonatiol. And they have pissing matches. Drew always
wins because the target is the spot in the wall where he put his fist
thru and he has good aim. And a penis. My wife can barely spell her
name in the snow. Don't ya'll think it's high time I make a new
paragraph?
Alrighty then. So on Saturday morning I woke up. Farted. Went wee-wee in the potty. Brushed my 96 teeth. Drew's wife who should be referred to as my aunt but isn't on the batshitblog made us breakfasts. I was not impressed. It was Basghetti and it wasn't canned like the spensive kind. Lol.
Geez guys, where do I begin. Ugh. Lol. We went to get ready to meet birth parents. Of babies. Possibly mine. AND AS A REMINDER MY LITTLE SLUT COUSIN GOT REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DRUNK. REALLY. And had a one night standing with a hobo. IN THE STREET FOR CHRIST SAKE. So she's never gonna make it to the indoor picnic table to eat breakfast. Golly gee willikers!
Oh and she didn't use a condominium. And then she said she was on the pill but that's a lie because she "claims" and he was all like "yea dude, I rubbered up" but none of their stories match up unless she fucked several hobos and didn't remember them all. That makes more cents. Oh, and if she was all on the "pill", hows come I have Alex and Heston? You can't just take a tylenol and say to yourself "hey, I think I'll get totally legless and fuck anything that crawls" and expect to be protected. Let that be a lesson to all the sluts and whores.
So rule number one:
No fucking hobos in the street
I don't know what is going on in her cotton doodie head but she learned a valuable lesson lol
Rule number B:
Don't fuck hobos in the street when your daughter is watching. You apossed to charge extra for that.
Idiots!
So I think I'll give you a progress update on the twin boys of witch I own. Alex is now enrolled for online courses because he is so smart. He's 6" just like me. He walks goodly with the leash now. It took some getting used to. He was a little wobbly at first walking on his hind legs but he got the hang of it real fastly. Gosh he amazes me.
Heston is fine. We think he's retarded. So we're pretty much here to give him back to his slut birth mother and hobo crack dad. I don't want Alex to catch it.
I tried to have ear sex with Sara the Nanny on this trip but she couldn't because Catholic. I think I have a few roofies under my couch....
So I interviewed the hobo biological paternal unit of the boys and guess what, I think these 2 boys are fathered by different semen suppliers. This guy smelled drunk and he didn't shake my hand. Heston smells drunk and won't shake my hand. He weighs 175 pounds. Heston weighs 175 pounds. So I didn't make him wash his hands when I gave him Heston. I don't think he understands that it's for keepseys. No give backs.
Seeing my little cousin (Jackie, can you give ALL these characters names, mk?) walk with a man she had bumped uglies with made me feel weird. I was jealous. For the longest time I was the only one she would bump uglies with. Lol
So I will not spend 3 fucking paragraphs explaining how family photos are taken (Jackie, srsly, stop boring us) however we all were ready and this dude relative of my ex-adopted child totally photobombed the pic and I was all like "not cool dude." I couldn't say fuck or shit or piss or cunt or son of a bitch or cock sucking motherfucker because the wife was there and wormens turn into sluts if they hear curse words. Where was I again? Oh yes, "not cool dude" and he was all like "dude back the fuck off" and I was all like "oh it.is.on" so we went in the back yard and made out for an hour. I didn't get to see his Mr. Winky though so that's sad.
I LOVE ALL MY REEDORS AND FANS AND I HAVE A FAKE FACEBOOK NOT REALLY BUT PRETEND BUT ANYHOLE I HAVE NEWLY ACQUIRED PHOTOS THAT I STOLED OF OF THE WORLD WIBE WEB AND PRETEND NOW THAT IT IS MY VACATION I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THE CAPS LOCK STICKS
DON'T FORGET,
I
WILL
ALWAYS
BE
WATCHING
EWE
Alrighty then. So on Saturday morning I woke up. Farted. Went wee-wee in the potty. Brushed my 96 teeth. Drew's wife who should be referred to as my aunt but isn't on the batshitblog made us breakfasts. I was not impressed. It was Basghetti and it wasn't canned like the spensive kind. Lol.
Geez guys, where do I begin. Ugh. Lol. We went to get ready to meet birth parents. Of babies. Possibly mine. AND AS A REMINDER MY LITTLE SLUT COUSIN GOT REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DRUNK. REALLY. And had a one night standing with a hobo. IN THE STREET FOR CHRIST SAKE. So she's never gonna make it to the indoor picnic table to eat breakfast. Golly gee willikers!
Oh and she didn't use a condominium. And then she said she was on the pill but that's a lie because she "claims" and he was all like "yea dude, I rubbered up" but none of their stories match up unless she fucked several hobos and didn't remember them all. That makes more cents. Oh, and if she was all on the "pill", hows come I have Alex and Heston? You can't just take a tylenol and say to yourself "hey, I think I'll get totally legless and fuck anything that crawls" and expect to be protected. Let that be a lesson to all the sluts and whores.
So rule number one:
No fucking hobos in the street
I don't know what is going on in her cotton doodie head but she learned a valuable lesson lol
Rule number B:
Don't fuck hobos in the street when your daughter is watching. You apossed to charge extra for that.
Idiots!
So I think I'll give you a progress update on the twin boys of witch I own. Alex is now enrolled for online courses because he is so smart. He's 6" just like me. He walks goodly with the leash now. It took some getting used to. He was a little wobbly at first walking on his hind legs but he got the hang of it real fastly. Gosh he amazes me.
Heston is fine. We think he's retarded. So we're pretty much here to give him back to his slut birth mother and hobo crack dad. I don't want Alex to catch it.
I tried to have ear sex with Sara the Nanny on this trip but she couldn't because Catholic. I think I have a few roofies under my couch....
So I interviewed the hobo biological paternal unit of the boys and guess what, I think these 2 boys are fathered by different semen suppliers. This guy smelled drunk and he didn't shake my hand. Heston smells drunk and won't shake my hand. He weighs 175 pounds. Heston weighs 175 pounds. So I didn't make him wash his hands when I gave him Heston. I don't think he understands that it's for keepseys. No give backs.
Seeing my little cousin (Jackie, can you give ALL these characters names, mk?) walk with a man she had bumped uglies with made me feel weird. I was jealous. For the longest time I was the only one she would bump uglies with. Lol
So I will not spend 3 fucking paragraphs explaining how family photos are taken (Jackie, srsly, stop boring us) however we all were ready and this dude relative of my ex-adopted child totally photobombed the pic and I was all like "not cool dude." I couldn't say fuck or shit or piss or cunt or son of a bitch or cock sucking motherfucker because the wife was there and wormens turn into sluts if they hear curse words. Where was I again? Oh yes, "not cool dude" and he was all like "dude back the fuck off" and I was all like "oh it.is.on" so we went in the back yard and made out for an hour. I didn't get to see his Mr. Winky though so that's sad.
I LOVE ALL MY REEDORS AND FANS AND I HAVE A FAKE FACEBOOK NOT REALLY BUT PRETEND BUT ANYHOLE I HAVE NEWLY ACQUIRED PHOTOS THAT I STOLED OF OF THE WORLD WIBE WEB AND PRETEND NOW THAT IT IS MY VACATION I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THE CAPS LOCK STICKS
DON'T FORGET,
I
WILL
ALWAYS
BE
WATCHING
EWE
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