Based on Jackie Overton's "Sam" post dated 1/4/16
Hey ho everyone! Sam hear! Single Vegan Catholic who plays a banjo. I play with other things but I'm not asposed to talk about touching myself down their. lol. I'm a reel eggcited about what this year will mean to my life. Like, will I escape the authorities on that pesky warrant? Will I lose my social security disability money because I rote a book and sold 2 of them on the Amazon? Will I ever be able to kill mamma Dell and keep the house? You know, innocent shit like that.
So I'm currently in Las Vegas for this hole month. It's really Vegas of Las as only really important and rich people like myselfs are aware. Of. Lindsey goes back to Austarlia once a month for a year for her to keep up her dual citizens. And it's gonna be hard to talk at her because Austarlia is like a bunch of hours ahead of us. And they don't have cell phones or computers so I will really miss the Lindsay linda. Me. Sam. Jackie Overton. Both my characters are so boring.....I'm gonna fix that.
So Lindz got her period. I say she's my friend but lets face facts, I don't trust anything that bleeds for 10 days and still lives. It's just unnatural. She needs a break. I haven't decided which bone. The weird thing about LIndz getting her period is this:
She's a vampire.
She was bitten in Austarlia by a lesbian vampire. Are there lesbian vampires? I always thought vampires were bisexual. I used to pretend I was a vampire and I wore my bedsheet as a cape and jumped off the couch but since I'm 505 pounds, I broke the couch. I twisted my ankle real bad too. Mamma Dell is still pissed off about the couch. She was even more mad when she found my stash of roofies under there lol. Screw her! If she didn't want a 505 pound psychopath daughter, she shouldn't have acted like the town pump. She really got around. And I got round. Lol. Anyhole...as her going away party I took her to a very expensive meal at Wendys. I own a portion of stock there! I stole all their straws so I am a stock owner. They'll restock of course, but for now, I am a stock holder. And a vegan so I ate the cheeseburger. All vegans eat cheeseburgers. It's like lent in reverse. For those of you who don't understand lent, it's a very complicated ritual for me, the Catholic. And I just don't feel like using google to look it up and understand it so I'll tell you this, it involves ketchup. And wine. Possibly a priest. And a young, fair woman. Who attracts the attention of the young priest. They stare at each other longingly as the ketchup is passed. Beads of sweat appear on his brow and she sighs heavily as her dirty pillows rise up and down....
Sorry I got distracted, I was helping my dog find the peanut butter. There. At my special place. So as a special treat for Lindz's going away to Austarlia, I followed her to the Casino at Vegas of Las and she said she had to go "keep the party going". I didn't understand since Lindz is butt ugly. She's so ugly her mamma shaved her ass and made her walk backward. She's so ugly, the vampire who turned her ended up killing herself with a silver bullet. 30 times. She didn't leave a note. So we'll never know what happened. Trust me, she ugly! I asked her what did she mean by "keeping the party going" and she said she just knocks on doors and asks people to invite her in. No one invites her in. She has to follow the migrant workers to get her 'fix'. You know, b l o o d. Cuz that's what vampires eat. So to make her trip to Austarlia as special as it can be, she let me pick out her coffin. She has to travel that way because vampire.
I hope she likes it, this is what I selected:
So I rote some goals for this year:
1) Adopt twin boys, can't gut them until after May 2017 when the adoption is officialized
2) Google the phrase 'court order'. I don't know what it means and I continually use it lol
3) Find a new victim, again. All the old ones figured me out.
4) Don't get doxed (lol, fucked up already)
5) Figure out who how to protect myself from the Russian IPs. It's ok though, the author of jackieoverton.blogspot.com uses IPs from all over the world. You're welcome! You may want to understand the phrase 'Brute force'...
6) Call the Twitter police department and tell them there are trolls there.
7) Be a better troll.
H) Pretend to be a man
I) Pretend to have feelings
So I have to get an adoption attorney at lawyer, for my bail. But since I can't afford one, Miranda will issue me one. I think I understood that cop, I don't know who Miranda is but I am still waiting on a call. I hope she's blonde. And I really hope the carpet matches the drapes.
So the book is coming out soon. The one I wroted. I have to use stragetory to finger out when to release it. Also there's a problem with hiding funds so I have to see if mamma Dell will open a paypal account so that I can get payed. My monkey is lethargic and won't eat cheetos.
I gotsa go, Lindz is picking at her scabs and sucking her own blood. She's a lousy vampire lol
Hey ho everyone! Sam hear! Single Vegan Catholic who plays a banjo. I play with other things but I'm not asposed to talk about touching myself down their. lol. I'm a reel eggcited about what this year will mean to my life. Like, will I escape the authorities on that pesky warrant? Will I lose my social security disability money because I rote a book and sold 2 of them on the Amazon? Will I ever be able to kill mamma Dell and keep the house? You know, innocent shit like that.
So I'm currently in Las Vegas for this hole month. It's really Vegas of Las as only really important and rich people like myselfs are aware. Of. Lindsey goes back to Austarlia once a month for a year for her to keep up her dual citizens. And it's gonna be hard to talk at her because Austarlia is like a bunch of hours ahead of us. And they don't have cell phones or computers so I will really miss the Lindsay linda. Me. Sam. Jackie Overton. Both my characters are so boring.....I'm gonna fix that.
So Lindz got her period. I say she's my friend but lets face facts, I don't trust anything that bleeds for 10 days and still lives. It's just unnatural. She needs a break. I haven't decided which bone. The weird thing about LIndz getting her period is this:
She's a vampire.
She was bitten in Austarlia by a lesbian vampire. Are there lesbian vampires? I always thought vampires were bisexual. I used to pretend I was a vampire and I wore my bedsheet as a cape and jumped off the couch but since I'm 505 pounds, I broke the couch. I twisted my ankle real bad too. Mamma Dell is still pissed off about the couch. She was even more mad when she found my stash of roofies under there lol. Screw her! If she didn't want a 505 pound psychopath daughter, she shouldn't have acted like the town pump. She really got around. And I got round. Lol. Anyhole...as her going away party I took her to a very expensive meal at Wendys. I own a portion of stock there! I stole all their straws so I am a stock owner. They'll restock of course, but for now, I am a stock holder. And a vegan so I ate the cheeseburger. All vegans eat cheeseburgers. It's like lent in reverse. For those of you who don't understand lent, it's a very complicated ritual for me, the Catholic. And I just don't feel like using google to look it up and understand it so I'll tell you this, it involves ketchup. And wine. Possibly a priest. And a young, fair woman. Who attracts the attention of the young priest. They stare at each other longingly as the ketchup is passed. Beads of sweat appear on his brow and she sighs heavily as her dirty pillows rise up and down....
Sorry I got distracted, I was helping my dog find the peanut butter. There. At my special place. So as a special treat for Lindz's going away to Austarlia, I followed her to the Casino at Vegas of Las and she said she had to go "keep the party going". I didn't understand since Lindz is butt ugly. She's so ugly her mamma shaved her ass and made her walk backward. She's so ugly, the vampire who turned her ended up killing herself with a silver bullet. 30 times. She didn't leave a note. So we'll never know what happened. Trust me, she ugly! I asked her what did she mean by "keeping the party going" and she said she just knocks on doors and asks people to invite her in. No one invites her in. She has to follow the migrant workers to get her 'fix'. You know, b l o o d. Cuz that's what vampires eat. So to make her trip to Austarlia as special as it can be, she let me pick out her coffin. She has to travel that way because vampire.
I hope she likes it, this is what I selected:
1) Adopt twin boys, can't gut them until after May 2017 when the adoption is officialized
2) Google the phrase 'court order'. I don't know what it means and I continually use it lol
3) Find a new victim, again. All the old ones figured me out.
4) Don't get doxed (lol, fucked up already)
5) Figure out who how to protect myself from the Russian IPs. It's ok though, the author of jackieoverton.blogspot.com uses IPs from all over the world. You're welcome! You may want to understand the phrase 'Brute force'...
6) Call the Twitter police department and tell them there are trolls there.
7) Be a better troll.
H) Pretend to be a man
I) Pretend to have feelings
So I have to get an adoption attorney at lawyer, for my bail. But since I can't afford one, Miranda will issue me one. I think I understood that cop, I don't know who Miranda is but I am still waiting on a call. I hope she's blonde. And I really hope the carpet matches the drapes.
So the book is coming out soon. The one I wroted. I have to use stragetory to finger out when to release it. Also there's a problem with hiding funds so I have to see if mamma Dell will open a paypal account so that I can get payed. My monkey is lethargic and won't eat cheetos.
I gotsa go, Lindz is picking at her scabs and sucking her own blood. She's a lousy vampire lol
