Geeze guys

So I didn’t get any sympathy on my last blog post aka BLOG OF LIES.  It’s like somehow you all know there is no Sam Cooper with his half face and no photos of the other half!  It’s as if ya’ll know it’s Jackie Overton pretending.  Lol.  It’s as if I’m a complete idiot to keep this boring ass story alive.  The power of Christ compels you...oh wait, wrong movie.

So to get sympathy from anyone out there in the world, I need to change up the storyline.  Here goes nothing....

I, we, me and fake family moved to Paris ( not sure if I followed this correctly).  Sara (Lawyer) is the wife.  Had a dead baby talon. She flew to heaven.  Or hell, not sure.  We somehow have Peas.  Because Vegan.  Heston and Alec Trebec are twins.  The 7 dwarves are nannies.  Ryan is a dead baby but different story.  I roofied his mamma and Ryan was actually the product of of the semen from several Seamen.  Not mine.  I don’t have any spunk.  Seeing as Sara (wife) is a Lawyer, it pretty much means she can lawyer anywhere in the world (Jackie, you are so hillbilly ignorant) so Sara says she would have to work too hard to establish a practice in the country of Paris.  So she left me.  Then on mother’s day, she didn’t want to see or speak at the children. You know, normal divorce stuff. Because of that, I haven’t been on any of my Twitter accounts, none of my Facebooks, no instagraming or even moneygram.  So thanks everyone for asking if I was ok but I’m such a very private person, with 40 blogs, 80 Twitters I just couldn’t do any of it.  Because Mamma Dell had the internets taken off.  But Im back now bitches.  Lol

Sara (Lawyer) wrote me a letter saying she loves me. But I think it’s over guys. Im mad and just trying to keep myself together. With duct tape.  I just need time to get things fingered out.  Lindsey Lohan is with me.  And the surviving nannies (only 3).  I haven’t told the kids yet, not that they would know,  they’re PRETEND! Drew (no backstory) and his family are up.  We’re back in Chicago.  Drew is having a sleepover in my room with me and I’m so nervous.  I think we will paint each other’s nails and gossip til the sunrise,  then hide the sausage.  Vegan style.

Break up and viva la paree

Hey guyz, its me, Cooper Dooper. Sorry ya’ll for not bloggering for a while but I am in the gorgeous city of Paris.  It’s in France ( for all those who don’t travel extensively).  So I’m here with my pretend kids, Charleston Heston, Mimi, Alex Trebec, Peyton, George Glass, Cheeto and the 7 dwarves.  I hired 700 nannies to entertain me.  Lol

So we are all having fun except for my wife Sarah (Lawyer) because we are officially separated. Lol

My last post was all about Sara (Lawyer) having baby fever so it comes as no surprise that she not only wants a bunch of kids, she’s tired of family life. It’s like opposite of how I wrote that character!  Gosh durnit, marriage is hard and stuff.  So I did what any hetero guy would do, have a bubble bath, cry it out for hours, eat a jar of peanut butter and take another vacation!  Its not like I am busy with anything like being a CEO SEO banjo vegan who flips crack houses.  Amirite? Oh and let’s not forget that I own BOTH properties (boardwalk and park place)

So I need to blog about how happy I am in Paris and how heartbroken I am but seriously, Sarah (Lawyer) was keeping me down.  She hardly had any hits on my blog posts when I used her as a tag.  @#$&*, such frustrationals Lol.  So as the Queen of the English would say “OFF WITH HER HEAD”.  I had it stuffed and placed it on the mantle so the kids can kiss mommie dearest goodnight.  It brings me comfort to have her droopy glassy eye stare at me.  It’s like I won at life and she didn’t.  

We fought constantly.  It’s true.  She was expecting, well, congical relations.  And I was like “NO”.  Me, Sam, is not real.  So there is no “mr. Winky”if you catch my drift.  No chi town.  No boomer or bang bang. No McNasty.  No Park Place.  No under the Boardwalk.  I can’t even spank the monkey.  So being that all of this is fake, Sara (Lawyer) got preggers ( I think I am the father), either miscarried or had a baby but it was deaded somehow.  I can’t keep track of the lies.  Anyhole, it’s name is Talon. 

So I am doing Daddy things with the kids like pitching in to help with dinner.  I usually chip in $5.00.  I take the kids out to see Paris France tourist things.  We go to the painting place where kids love to go.  Also Notre Dame because Catholic.  Apparently there’s another kid I have called Peas.  She was named after Vegan food.  It’s a vegetable.  Just like me Lol

So I am off to Norway for a 4 day vacation because everyone knows, Norway is small and can be seen and done in just 4 days.  There’s absolutely no history of Norway since it’s a new island that popped up suddenly.  I don’t plan to return to the states anytime soon.  The boys are geeze Lol, something else.  You should hear them plot “ you get the knife” “no you do it” “ someone needs to stab that thing that has us hostage before she kills us all”, I feel so fat chasing them to their cages, I am always out of breath.

So I want to thank you all for your emails and likes and stuff. I love you all.  No I don’t.  I only love Meri.  The one who got away.  I still have her cage ready in case she changes her mind.  Lol

Cooper out

Xavier Robinson kills my thirst for Wendys

Hey ho, Jackie Overton here. I mean “Sam Cooper”. Single. 47. Banjo playing vegan. 5’5”.  300 pounds of pure lazy. Lol

Anyhole, since the pretend life of Sam Cooper, closet homo, is boring and the real life of Jackie Overton is equally yawn worthy, I, me and myselves decided to switch this shit up a bit.  

Todays segmental is gonna be called WTF America?  I mean golly gee wilickers America? I should never use WTF cuz wormens should never hear any a’cussin or a’swearin’. It will turn them dirty and we all know where dirty girls go, amirite?  Into the closet to pray the gay away.  That’s what mamma Dell says.  P.S.  It didn’t work mama. Lol.  Still 100% lesbionic and I’m McLovin it.

This article comes from wsbt.com and it purdy much goes like this.  A violent criminal named Xavier Robinson of Centerville Virginia weilds a knife at a Wendy’s manager.  Now I know what yur thinking cuz I thought the same thing, he wasn’t satisfied with the food but u are wrong.  He did it because he wanted a job there.  Ok, this is not in the handbook of how to impress potential employers.  So anyhole, this cock-a-doodie threatens to stab, goes swinging and somehow the manager gets away from being stabbed.  Fast forward to consequences.... Xavier Robinson (violent criminal) pays $250.00 and is free on the streets to terrorize managers of all fast food establishments. 

Thanks America, your laws and disregard for the human lives who prepare my hamburgers expertly have frightened me so much, I may actually become a real vegan!  

Since there is no justice, I decided to find Xavier Robnson on Facebook and get his reaction but all I got was this 

Apparently he ditched his profile when he turned 12.  Who knew that was the face of a knife wielding psychopath?  

Now I’m sad.  No more Wendys for me until Justice is served!  

One of these things is not like the others

One of these things just doesn't belong
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Hey ho, Jackie Jaxon Overton Sam Cooper here and I brought along my double chins. Speaking of double chins, I totally met my Twitter doppelgänger!  It’s Jonathan Jessica Yaniv, you know, the wax my balls guy who hates everyone who isn’t white. 

So like we totally get along.  He’s a guy pretending to be a woman and I’m a woman pretending to be a dude and we both have a lot of chins. Lol. We both have fake disabilities cept his got taken away when he used his pink cane as a weapon when he assaulted someone. Not the sex assault from the kid’s bathroom but an assault outside, in Pubic! Public. Same/same.

Isn’t he lovely! What a super nice dude! And by super nice, I mean total fucking asshole, just like me.  So I am still in love/stalker mode with you know who. 

But I gotsa play like she’s stalking me

So to try to win back my one true love (Meri) I have to continue to be Sam Cooper.  Fictional character who is beyond stupid.  Supporting characters are super impotent/important. Same/not really. Lol.  Anyhole I had to bring back the Linz aka Lindsay Lohan, the pretend kids Alex Trebec and Houston Texas. Also a wife or two. Not sure. I haven’t stolen any pics for a pretend wife.  I also pretend donate money to charity, but I have no money so the joke is on them. That’s how I roll because Catholic. Speaking of, I pretend to go to mass with the kids and a wife or two.  I think the mass is Saturday or Friday. I ain’t a reel Catholic so I duno. I must make a mental note of what it must be like to warsh my feets cuz them Catholics do that at the mass.  Also the ritualistic sacrifice of the wife where I bring the Holy knife and slit her throat and then presto! Blood/wine. Do I have to drink that because vegan....sometimes Catholicing is hard and stuff.

Anyhole, I think pretend Sam Cooper needs to kill off the family so I can get Twitter sympathy.  Maybe Meri will reach out?  That restraining order was a bit scary but I can completely ignore that becuz it was filed against me, Jackie Overton.  Not me, Samuel Jacob Cooper or me, Lindsey Lohan.  See, I am totally smart! M O O N.  That spells spart. Smart. Whateves.

Since Living in Mamma Dell’s basement and having no job or actual goals in life, I spend every moment of every day on Twitter. I am several accounts now. Lots got suspended but I still have my pretend girlfriend Kate.  Wife Sarah (Lawyer)was accidentally killed when she fell on a butcher knife 48 times.  Alex and Tex hardly remember her.  I invented Kate. Stupid Kate.  She’s pretend Catholic too. Can’t even do a pretend Ash Wednesday properly lol.lol.lol.Lol. Lolololol.

Kate (Teacher) posts things like  “got punched in the head today” and “lockdown at school today “ or “coworker knitting voodoo dolls”.  Jesus Christ Jackie! Seriously? Pull those double chins out of your ass...I digress

 

As predicted, Kate (teacher) writes just like Sam. Right down to the same misperceptions. Perspiration. Exacerbation. 

So you Trolz, heads up, I know the Twitter police and had them for dinner. They were tasty once you got past the body hair. It’s ok. I gave up being vegan for lent. 

Don’t forget 

I am watching ewe