Geeze guys

So I didn’t get any sympathy on my last blog post aka BLOG OF LIES.  It’s like somehow you all know there is no Sam Cooper with his half face and no photos of the other half!  It’s as if ya’ll know it’s Jackie Overton pretending.  Lol.  It’s as if I’m a complete idiot to keep this boring ass story alive.  The power of Christ compels you...oh wait, wrong movie.

So to get sympathy from anyone out there in the world, I need to change up the storyline.  Here goes nothing....

I, we, me and fake family moved to Paris ( not sure if I followed this correctly).  Sara (Lawyer) is the wife.  Had a dead baby talon. She flew to heaven.  Or hell, not sure.  We somehow have Peas.  Because Vegan.  Heston and Alec Trebec are twins.  The 7 dwarves are nannies.  Ryan is a dead baby but different story.  I roofied his mamma and Ryan was actually the product of of the semen from several Seamen.  Not mine.  I don’t have any spunk.  Seeing as Sara (wife) is a Lawyer, it pretty much means she can lawyer anywhere in the world (Jackie, you are so hillbilly ignorant) so Sara says she would have to work too hard to establish a practice in the country of Paris.  So she left me.  Then on mother’s day, she didn’t want to see or speak at the children. You know, normal divorce stuff. Because of that, I haven’t been on any of my Twitter accounts, none of my Facebooks, no instagraming or even moneygram.  So thanks everyone for asking if I was ok but I’m such a very private person, with 40 blogs, 80 Twitters I just couldn’t do any of it.  Because Mamma Dell had the internets taken off.  But Im back now bitches.  Lol

Sara (Lawyer) wrote me a letter saying she loves me. But I think it’s over guys. Im mad and just trying to keep myself together. With duct tape.  I just need time to get things fingered out.  Lindsey Lohan is with me.  And the surviving nannies (only 3).  I haven’t told the kids yet, not that they would know,  they’re PRETEND! Drew (no backstory) and his family are up.  We’re back in Chicago.  Drew is having a sleepover in my room with me and I’m so nervous.  I think we will paint each other’s nails and gossip til the sunrise,  then hide the sausage.  Vegan style.

Break up and viva la paree

Hey guyz, its me, Cooper Dooper. Sorry ya’ll for not bloggering for a while but I am in the gorgeous city of Paris.  It’s in France ( for all those who don’t travel extensively).  So I’m here with my pretend kids, Charleston Heston, Mimi, Alex Trebec, Peyton, George Glass, Cheeto and the 7 dwarves.  I hired 700 nannies to entertain me.  Lol

So we are all having fun except for my wife Sarah (Lawyer) because we are officially separated. Lol

My last post was all about Sara (Lawyer) having baby fever so it comes as no surprise that she not only wants a bunch of kids, she’s tired of family life. It’s like opposite of how I wrote that character!  Gosh durnit, marriage is hard and stuff.  So I did what any hetero guy would do, have a bubble bath, cry it out for hours, eat a jar of peanut butter and take another vacation!  Its not like I am busy with anything like being a CEO SEO banjo vegan who flips crack houses.  Amirite? Oh and let’s not forget that I own BOTH properties (boardwalk and park place)

So I need to blog about how happy I am in Paris and how heartbroken I am but seriously, Sarah (Lawyer) was keeping me down.  She hardly had any hits on my blog posts when I used her as a tag.  @#$&*, such frustrationals Lol.  So as the Queen of the English would say “OFF WITH HER HEAD”.  I had it stuffed and placed it on the mantle so the kids can kiss mommie dearest goodnight.  It brings me comfort to have her droopy glassy eye stare at me.  It’s like I won at life and she didn’t.  

We fought constantly.  It’s true.  She was expecting, well, congical relations.  And I was like “NO”.  Me, Sam, is not real.  So there is no “mr. Winky”if you catch my drift.  No chi town.  No boomer or bang bang. No McNasty.  No Park Place.  No under the Boardwalk.  I can’t even spank the monkey.  So being that all of this is fake, Sara (Lawyer) got preggers ( I think I am the father), either miscarried or had a baby but it was deaded somehow.  I can’t keep track of the lies.  Anyhole, it’s name is Talon. 

So I am doing Daddy things with the kids like pitching in to help with dinner.  I usually chip in $5.00.  I take the kids out to see Paris France tourist things.  We go to the painting place where kids love to go.  Also Notre Dame because Catholic.  Apparently there’s another kid I have called Peas.  She was named after Vegan food.  It’s a vegetable.  Just like me Lol

So I am off to Norway for a 4 day vacation because everyone knows, Norway is small and can be seen and done in just 4 days.  There’s absolutely no history of Norway since it’s a new island that popped up suddenly.  I don’t plan to return to the states anytime soon.  The boys are geeze Lol, something else.  You should hear them plot “ you get the knife” “no you do it” “ someone needs to stab that thing that has us hostage before she kills us all”, I feel so fat chasing them to their cages, I am always out of breath.

So I want to thank you all for your emails and likes and stuff. I love you all.  No I don’t.  I only love Meri.  The one who got away.  I still have her cage ready in case she changes her mind.  Lol

Cooper out

Xavier Robinson kills my thirst for Wendys

Hey ho, Jackie Overton here. I mean “Sam Cooper”. Single. 47. Banjo playing vegan. 5’5”.  300 pounds of pure lazy. Lol

Anyhole, since the pretend life of Sam Cooper, closet homo, is boring and the real life of Jackie Overton is equally yawn worthy, I, me and myselves decided to switch this shit up a bit.  

Todays segmental is gonna be called WTF America?  I mean golly gee wilickers America? I should never use WTF cuz wormens should never hear any a’cussin or a’swearin’. It will turn them dirty and we all know where dirty girls go, amirite?  Into the closet to pray the gay away.  That’s what mamma Dell says.  P.S.  It didn’t work mama. Lol.  Still 100% lesbionic and I’m McLovin it.

This article comes from wsbt.com and it purdy much goes like this.  A violent criminal named Xavier Robinson of Centerville Virginia weilds a knife at a Wendy’s manager.  Now I know what yur thinking cuz I thought the same thing, he wasn’t satisfied with the food but u are wrong.  He did it because he wanted a job there.  Ok, this is not in the handbook of how to impress potential employers.  So anyhole, this cock-a-doodie threatens to stab, goes swinging and somehow the manager gets away from being stabbed.  Fast forward to consequences.... Xavier Robinson (violent criminal) pays $250.00 and is free on the streets to terrorize managers of all fast food establishments. 

Thanks America, your laws and disregard for the human lives who prepare my hamburgers expertly have frightened me so much, I may actually become a real vegan!  

Since there is no justice, I decided to find Xavier Robnson on Facebook and get his reaction but all I got was this 

Apparently he ditched his profile when he turned 12.  Who knew that was the face of a knife wielding psychopath?  

Now I’m sad.  No more Wendys for me until Justice is served!  

One of these things is not like the others

One of these things just doesn't belong
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Hey ho, Jackie Jaxon Overton Sam Cooper here and I brought along my double chins. Speaking of double chins, I totally met my Twitter doppelgänger!  It’s Jonathan Jessica Yaniv, you know, the wax my balls guy who hates everyone who isn’t white. 

So like we totally get along.  He’s a guy pretending to be a woman and I’m a woman pretending to be a dude and we both have a lot of chins. Lol. We both have fake disabilities cept his got taken away when he used his pink cane as a weapon when he assaulted someone. Not the sex assault from the kid’s bathroom but an assault outside, in Pubic! Public. Same/same.

Isn’t he lovely! What a super nice dude! And by super nice, I mean total fucking asshole, just like me.  So I am still in love/stalker mode with you know who. 

But I gotsa play like she’s stalking me

So to try to win back my one true love (Meri) I have to continue to be Sam Cooper.  Fictional character who is beyond stupid.  Supporting characters are super impotent/important. Same/not really. Lol.  Anyhole I had to bring back the Linz aka Lindsay Lohan, the pretend kids Alex Trebec and Houston Texas. Also a wife or two. Not sure. I haven’t stolen any pics for a pretend wife.  I also pretend donate money to charity, but I have no money so the joke is on them. That’s how I roll because Catholic. Speaking of, I pretend to go to mass with the kids and a wife or two.  I think the mass is Saturday or Friday. I ain’t a reel Catholic so I duno. I must make a mental note of what it must be like to warsh my feets cuz them Catholics do that at the mass.  Also the ritualistic sacrifice of the wife where I bring the Holy knife and slit her throat and then presto! Blood/wine. Do I have to drink that because vegan....sometimes Catholicing is hard and stuff.

Anyhole, I think pretend Sam Cooper needs to kill off the family so I can get Twitter sympathy.  Maybe Meri will reach out?  That restraining order was a bit scary but I can completely ignore that becuz it was filed against me, Jackie Overton.  Not me, Samuel Jacob Cooper or me, Lindsey Lohan.  See, I am totally smart! M O O N.  That spells spart. Smart. Whateves.

Since Living in Mamma Dell’s basement and having no job or actual goals in life, I spend every moment of every day on Twitter. I am several accounts now. Lots got suspended but I still have my pretend girlfriend Kate.  Wife Sarah (Lawyer)was accidentally killed when she fell on a butcher knife 48 times.  Alex and Tex hardly remember her.  I invented Kate. Stupid Kate.  She’s pretend Catholic too. Can’t even do a pretend Ash Wednesday properly lol.lol.lol.Lol. Lolololol.

Kate (Teacher) posts things like  “got punched in the head today” and “lockdown at school today “ or “coworker knitting voodoo dolls”.  Jesus Christ Jackie! Seriously? Pull those double chins out of your ass...I digress

 

As predicted, Kate (teacher) writes just like Sam. Right down to the same misperceptions. Perspiration. Exacerbation. 

So you Trolz, heads up, I know the Twitter police and had them for dinner. They were tasty once you got past the body hair. It’s ok. I gave up being vegan for lent. 

Don’t forget 

I am watching ewe

Zomg, how long has it been?

Hidey ho! Jackie’s right foot here. Leik, totally couldn’t blog because Catholic. Also I had better tings to do like clip my toenails, pick my boogers, find my old cheeto bags to lick cheeto crumbs, find shit to slip in Mamma Dell’s drink to make her “sleep” and run from the law.

In case you didn’t know already, i have to sneak off to the marriot to steal wifi since bitch Dell won’t pay for inteernet. She such a bitch since jail. Lol

Now I know ya’ll think i am running from the law since i am a dirty fraudulator but hatters gonna hat.  I got in trouble for beast-il-aty. Otherwise known as “sexual intercourses with my dog”. Those doodie head cops can suck my balls (if i had balls) and took my dog. And the seven dead cats from my ground hole. Not to be mixed up with my stinky pinky hole. Lol, that always confuses me.

I tried hitchhiking out of this shithole and to possibly experience sex with a dood since i never atried that there but I was too butt ugly for the truckers. One tried it with a bag over my head but then he saw my third nipple and was all “I aint drunk enuf for this shit show”. What a jerk!

Anyhole, I decided being a lesbian pretending to be a flaming homo named Sam was more better since I don’t do a damn thing with my life cuz I don’t wanna.

So i am still in love (obsessed) with you know who. I am mad at you know who for meeting her, telling her the truth and then filing a protective restraining order against me. What a cockadoodie!

I still fantasize that if I keep my fake Sam persona online, you know who will get jealous and finally call me back. Hey, logic wins! Wait....

Newsflash! I have autocorrectall. Its benign but having a tube pushed up my poop hole for “medical reasons” was almost like sex so now I aint a virgin no more. Suck on that hatters! Bonus ALERT, the state paid for it! I get rewarded for being a lazy cuntbucket. On “disability “. This cuntry rocks, just like God. And stuff.

I am thinking of more betterer characters for my fake sam to hang with since the fake wife is sooooooo boring. Heres what im thinking: Kendra the c word, Zombie Jesus, Michael Jackson ( um, hes still alive duh) and Vivica Fox. Dayum she is a hot piece of chocolate.

My Sam can, you know, do the sex to all of them. Im a jenus, ill write ebooks , almost Jesus’d, almost  Kendra’d, totally Michael’d and the one who got away. I am brilliantly!

As per usual,


I AM WATCHING EWE

50 Things about Me

I got emailed from someone who asked me it and I didn't answer because I didn't reed all of it because I need help reeding sometimes when words have more than 4 letters in them. And so I picked out the questions that I found interesting. And answered them.
Q: On a level from 1 to batshit, how crazy are you?
A: Tomato
Q:  How come "Sam" is married to a WOMAN?  I mean, like, aren't you gay????
A: Being gay doesn't mean I can't marry a woman.  It's not in the rule book
Wait, what?  I'm not gay ya'll!  It doesn't count if I only had ass sex with a man once.  You stupid trolls need to #$%^&*
Q:  How come you don't show any of your photos?  None of you, none of your "wife", none of "Alex" and "Heston, none of your cousin, (the list goes on)
A:  Here's a photo brought to you from Jackie's orange tinged (cheeto) right foot.

Now ya'll, don't ya'll be stealing that photo and creating a Twitter called "Jackie's Right Foot" cuz that would really suck.
Q:  Busted! You are supposed to be "Sam" but posted your (Jackie Overton) foot. 
A:  BANNED/BLOCKED/TROLL!
Anyhole, my wife has been complaining about a sore throat lately.  I figured it was due to her blowing me but then I remembered, I don't have a dick so it couldn't be that.  And then it hit me, sore throat means pregnant so I went to the dollar store and purchased a pee stick and took it home and gave it to her and she said she didn't have to pee right now so I stuck it down her throat and guess what?  Not pregnant.  But she has syphillis.  So I am trying to politely tell her to sleep next door.  Where her half of the condum is.  At.  But she took vitamins and she's all better now.

The end.

Remember, Jackie's foot is always watching EWE

Basghetti and Sluts

Friday night after work I flew my family to London via Austarlia and got in a little later than I wanted to (because of wife and her condition witch I will tell you about in another blog post but not now) Butt it worked out.  We got the boys fed.  Mickey Dees is famous for their vegan selection.  Vegan cheeseburgers, fries and bacon for the twins.   Uncle Drew (who the hell is Uncle Drew?) and my wife don't get along.  Drew keeps insisting that I'm not real, Shyster wife says I am real and he's a troll.  So they don't get along.  Plus he wants to mate with her.  Poke her.  Do it with her.  Bump uglies with her.  Doing McNasty.  Play on all fours.  Play hide the sausage.  You know, DO SEX TO HER.  She got creeped out because 1) she and I, I and she are marriage and B:) She thinks "doing it" with a guy who has 6 toes on each foot is super gross.  He's an inbred.  Like me.  but I didn't get the 6 toes on each foot.  I got sharks teeth.  Only 2 rows.  My teeth fall out all the time Lol.  So they are civil to each others but if either one starts talking then all heck brakes lose.  Gosh durnit in tarnation they really get Ramonatiol.  And they have pissing matches.  Drew always wins because the target is the spot in the wall where he put his fist thru and he has good aim.  And a penis.  My wife can barely spell her name in the snow.  Don't ya'll think it's high time I make a new paragraph? 
Alrighty then.  So on Saturday morning I woke up.  Farted.  Went wee-wee in the potty.  Brushed my 96 teeth.  Drew's wife who should be referred to as my aunt but isn't on the batshitblog made us breakfasts.  I was not impressed.  It was Basghetti and it wasn't canned like the spensive kind.  Lol.
Geez guys, where do I begin.  Ugh. Lol. We went to get ready to meet birth parents.  Of babies.  Possibly mine.  AND AS A REMINDER MY LITTLE SLUT COUSIN GOT REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DRUNK.  REALLY. And had a one night standing with a hobo.  IN THE STREET FOR CHRIST SAKE.  So she's never gonna make it to the indoor picnic table to eat breakfast.  Golly gee willikers!
Oh and she didn't use a condominium. And then she said she was on the pill but that's a lie because she "claims" and he was all like "yea dude, I rubbered up" but none of their stories match up unless she fucked several hobos and didn't remember them all.  That makes more cents.  Oh, and if she was all on the "pill", hows come I have Alex and Heston?  You can't just take a tylenol and say to yourself "hey, I think I'll get totally legless and fuck anything that crawls" and expect to be protected.  Let that be a lesson to all the sluts and whores.  
So rule number one:
No fucking hobos in the street
I don't know what is going on in her cotton doodie head but she learned a valuable lesson lol
Rule number B:
Don't fuck hobos in the street when your daughter is watching.  You apossed to charge extra for that.
Idiots!
So I think I'll give you a progress update on the twin boys of witch I own.  Alex is now enrolled for online courses because he is so smart.  He's 6" just like me.  He walks goodly with the leash now.  It took some getting used to.  He was a little wobbly at first walking on his hind legs but he got the hang of it real fastly. Gosh he amazes me.
Heston is fine.  We think he's retarded.  So we're pretty much here to give him back to his slut birth mother and hobo crack dad.  I don't want Alex to catch it.

I tried to have ear sex with Sara the Nanny on this trip but she couldn't because Catholic.  I think I have a few roofies under my couch....
So I interviewed the hobo biological paternal unit of the boys and guess what, I think these 2 boys are fathered by different semen suppliers.  This guy smelled drunk and he didn't shake my hand.  Heston smells drunk and won't shake my hand.  He weighs 175 pounds.  Heston weighs 175 pounds.  So I didn't make him wash his hands when I gave him Heston.  I don't think he understands that it's for keepseys.  No give backs.
Seeing my little cousin (Jackie, can you give ALL these characters names, mk?) walk with a man she had bumped uglies with made me feel weird.  I was jealous.  For the longest time I was the only one she would bump uglies with.  Lol
So I will not spend 3 fucking paragraphs explaining how family photos are taken (Jackie, srsly, stop boring us) however we all were ready and this dude relative of my ex-adopted child totally photobombed the pic and I was all like "not cool dude."  I couldn't say fuck or shit or piss or cunt or son of a bitch or cock sucking motherfucker because the wife was there and wormens turn into sluts if they hear curse words.  Where was I again? Oh yes, "not cool dude" and he was all like "dude back the fuck off" and I was all like "oh it.is.on" so we went in the back yard and made out for an hour.  I didn't get to see his Mr. Winky though so that's sad.
I LOVE ALL MY REEDORS AND FANS AND I HAVE A FAKE FACEBOOK NOT REALLY BUT PRETEND BUT ANYHOLE I HAVE NEWLY ACQUIRED PHOTOS THAT I STOLED OF OF THE WORLD WIBE WEB  AND PRETEND NOW THAT IT IS MY VACATION I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THE CAPS LOCK STICKS

DON'T FORGET,
I
WILL
ALWAYS
BE
WATCHING
EWE