50 Things about Me

I got emailed from someone who asked me it and I didn't answer because I didn't reed all of it because I need help reeding sometimes when words have more than 4 letters in them. And so I picked out the questions that I found interesting. And answered them.
Q: On a level from 1 to batshit, how crazy are you?
A: Tomato
Q:  How come "Sam" is married to a WOMAN?  I mean, like, aren't you gay????
A: Being gay doesn't mean I can't marry a woman.  It's not in the rule book
Wait, what?  I'm not gay ya'll!  It doesn't count if I only had ass sex with a man once.  You stupid trolls need to #$%^&*
Q:  How come you don't show any of your photos?  None of you, none of your "wife", none of "Alex" and "Heston, none of your cousin, (the list goes on)
A:  Here's a photo brought to you from Jackie's orange tinged (cheeto) right foot.

Now ya'll, don't ya'll be stealing that photo and creating a Twitter called "Jackie's Right Foot" cuz that would really suck.
Q:  Busted! You are supposed to be "Sam" but posted your (Jackie Overton) foot. 
A:  BANNED/BLOCKED/TROLL!
Anyhole, my wife has been complaining about a sore throat lately.  I figured it was due to her blowing me but then I remembered, I don't have a dick so it couldn't be that.  And then it hit me, sore throat means pregnant so I went to the dollar store and purchased a pee stick and took it home and gave it to her and she said she didn't have to pee right now so I stuck it down her throat and guess what?  Not pregnant.  But she has syphillis.  So I am trying to politely tell her to sleep next door.  Where her half of the condum is.  At.  But she took vitamins and she's all better now.

The end.

Remember, Jackie's foot is always watching EWE

Basghetti and Sluts

Friday night after work I flew my family to London via Austarlia and got in a little later than I wanted to (because of wife and her condition witch I will tell you about in another blog post but not now) Butt it worked out.  We got the boys fed.  Mickey Dees is famous for their vegan selection.  Vegan cheeseburgers, fries and bacon for the twins.   Uncle Drew (who the hell is Uncle Drew?) and my wife don't get along.  Drew keeps insisting that I'm not real, Shyster wife says I am real and he's a troll.  So they don't get along.  Plus he wants to mate with her.  Poke her.  Do it with her.  Bump uglies with her.  Doing McNasty.  Play on all fours.  Play hide the sausage.  You know, DO SEX TO HER.  She got creeped out because 1) she and I, I and she are marriage and B:) She thinks "doing it" with a guy who has 6 toes on each foot is super gross.  He's an inbred.  Like me.  but I didn't get the 6 toes on each foot.  I got sharks teeth.  Only 2 rows.  My teeth fall out all the time Lol.  So they are civil to each others but if either one starts talking then all heck brakes lose.  Gosh durnit in tarnation they really get Ramonatiol.  And they have pissing matches.  Drew always wins because the target is the spot in the wall where he put his fist thru and he has good aim.  And a penis.  My wife can barely spell her name in the snow.  Don't ya'll think it's high time I make a new paragraph? 
Alrighty then.  So on Saturday morning I woke up.  Farted.  Went wee-wee in the potty.  Brushed my 96 teeth.  Drew's wife who should be referred to as my aunt but isn't on the batshitblog made us breakfasts.  I was not impressed.  It was Basghetti and it wasn't canned like the spensive kind.  Lol.
Geez guys, where do I begin.  Ugh. Lol. We went to get ready to meet birth parents.  Of babies.  Possibly mine.  AND AS A REMINDER MY LITTLE SLUT COUSIN GOT REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DRUNK.  REALLY. And had a one night standing with a hobo.  IN THE STREET FOR CHRIST SAKE.  So she's never gonna make it to the indoor picnic table to eat breakfast.  Golly gee willikers!
Oh and she didn't use a condominium. And then she said she was on the pill but that's a lie because she "claims" and he was all like "yea dude, I rubbered up" but none of their stories match up unless she fucked several hobos and didn't remember them all.  That makes more cents.  Oh, and if she was all on the "pill", hows come I have Alex and Heston?  You can't just take a tylenol and say to yourself "hey, I think I'll get totally legless and fuck anything that crawls" and expect to be protected.  Let that be a lesson to all the sluts and whores.  
So rule number one:
No fucking hobos in the street
I don't know what is going on in her cotton doodie head but she learned a valuable lesson lol
Rule number B:
Don't fuck hobos in the street when your daughter is watching.  You apossed to charge extra for that.
Idiots!
So I think I'll give you a progress update on the twin boys of witch I own.  Alex is now enrolled for online courses because he is so smart.  He's 6" just like me.  He walks goodly with the leash now.  It took some getting used to.  He was a little wobbly at first walking on his hind legs but he got the hang of it real fastly. Gosh he amazes me.
Heston is fine.  We think he's retarded.  So we're pretty much here to give him back to his slut birth mother and hobo crack dad.  I don't want Alex to catch it.

I tried to have ear sex with Sara the Nanny on this trip but she couldn't because Catholic.  I think I have a few roofies under my couch....
So I interviewed the hobo biological paternal unit of the boys and guess what, I think these 2 boys are fathered by different semen suppliers.  This guy smelled drunk and he didn't shake my hand.  Heston smells drunk and won't shake my hand.  He weighs 175 pounds.  Heston weighs 175 pounds.  So I didn't make him wash his hands when I gave him Heston.  I don't think he understands that it's for keepseys.  No give backs.
Seeing my little cousin (Jackie, can you give ALL these characters names, mk?) walk with a man she had bumped uglies with made me feel weird.  I was jealous.  For the longest time I was the only one she would bump uglies with.  Lol
So I will not spend 3 fucking paragraphs explaining how family photos are taken (Jackie, srsly, stop boring us) however we all were ready and this dude relative of my ex-adopted child totally photobombed the pic and I was all like "not cool dude."  I couldn't say fuck or shit or piss or cunt or son of a bitch or cock sucking motherfucker because the wife was there and wormens turn into sluts if they hear curse words.  Where was I again? Oh yes, "not cool dude" and he was all like "dude back the fuck off" and I was all like "oh it.is.on" so we went in the back yard and made out for an hour.  I didn't get to see his Mr. Winky though so that's sad.
I LOVE ALL MY REEDORS AND FANS AND I HAVE A FAKE FACEBOOK NOT REALLY BUT PRETEND BUT ANYHOLE I HAVE NEWLY ACQUIRED PHOTOS THAT I STOLED OF OF THE WORLD WIBE WEB  AND PRETEND NOW THAT IT IS MY VACATION I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THE CAPS LOCK STICKS

DON'T FORGET,
I
WILL
ALWAYS
BE
WATCHING
EWE

#CMD

Based on Jackie Overton's post "GBR"

"Born in Nebraska we left when I was 3".  Why doesn't this bitch make money on ebooks?  Cuz the bitch writes like a 5 year old.  Also:  liar liar pants on fire

I'll make it better.

I was conceived in the back of a pick up truck.  Mamma Dell doesn't like to talk 'bout that much however when she is a drinkin' the codeine, she'll tell me how her and my pa done did have sexual intercourse in the rusted out bed of a moonshiner's pick up truck.  It was some sort of sin to be having sexual relations out of wedlock but Mamma was a bit of a whore.  Kind of like how Judas was a bit of a traitor.  I done did google that and I'm pretty shure it was Judas who tolded the Romanians that Jesus made fish out of wine.  And so they had to crucify him and that is why we get wine at the Catholic instead of fish.  Cuz Jesus.  And God.  Doesn't God just rock your socks off?  he does mine! Lol

Anyhole, Mamma Dell soon found out that my pa did plant demon seed into her belly and so they had to have a shotgun wedding.  It's where they fire shotguns to celebrate the wedding.  Pa tried to run off to Texas to escape Crazy Mamma Dell (CMD) and her sinning ways but Mamma did track him down and decided to rent a greyhound to take her and me to Texas to find pa.  That dog took it's sweet ass time getting us there.  It was so long (that's what she said), Mamma Dell went and got herself another baby in her tummy on the way to Texas. 

Once we arrived in the Texas and found pa, he did not want to let us in his house.  He said Mamma was carrying a demon child of bastardity.  To escape the clutches of Mamma, Pa did return to our little shack on crack nestled behind the sewage treatment plant in the Detroiot, Nebraska Wyoming.

I plan on returning to the Detroit, Nebraska Wymoning for a retreat and I'm going to take fake wife and fake twins with me.  It's always healing when I return home.  The smell of sewage really brings back memories Lol.  Memories of people always avoiding me.  Memories of that time I kidnapped that woman and she escaped.  That time when she died and hit the electricks pole and I had no TV reception on the TV in house shed for a week.  And I plan on crying in front of Alex and Heston.  Cuz that's good parenting.  Let them see me cry for Ryan....

Dear Ryan,

If you were alive today I would have you in my house shed.  I would try to parental unit you.  I would make sure I always had cheetos on the floor for you.  I would let you cut heads from magazines of reality TV people and I would show you how to stick them onto red JELLO floor.  I would also tell you why I think JELLO needs to be all upper case, cuz caps rule Lol

I would tell you all about that one time at band camp.  I would help you build mega desk.  I would never lay you out and fill your mouth with your mother's shit.  I would tell you what you did last summer.

But you're not alive, are you?

You selfish twat.  You left earth.  You got to see the aliens and go into the sky.  I hate you.  Bastard!

Love,

SAM

I'm getting all Ramonational, give me a moment...talk amongst yourselves.  I'll give you a subject, how many layers of fantasical is Barbra Streisand and why.

I'm going to take the fake twins to Mamma Dell's grave site when we get there.  She ain't dead yet but the bitch can't live forever.  Lol

So back to Ryan.  I will let the twins know how much I wanted Ryan.  How I wanted to caress him.  How I wanted to tongue kiss him.  How much it hurts me that I don't have him.  Fake wife is real good about letting me not talk about it, it gets awkward in the bed when I am on her and shout "Oh Ryan!".  Sometimes I take my dog for a "walk" to get the feelings of Ryan off me.  I forget to breath sometimes and have to remind myself  "breath in breath out".  Yes, I am that fucking stupid.  Lol

People make me nervous.  I let the Lindz do handshaking.  I can't because it's dirty and dirty girls go where?  To the prayer closet.  It just seems so dangerous to shake hands and talk at humans.  Like what if they point and laugh at me?  Again.  Or sing that "CATFISH CATFISH, YOU'RE A FUCKING CATFISH".  Again.  It bothers me that so many people know about that Jackie Overton person of witch I'm not.  At all.  Of. Apposidly.

So I always wanted to go to Chicago because that's where they invented Cheetos.  Orange.  Crunchy.  So good for you.  Cheetos.  Since I feel deeply connected to Chicago, I lie and tell people I live there.  Lol.  That will be our little secret.  I ain't never been to Chicago but I seen a pichure show 'bout it once. 

Another lie I keep telling is about SJC:  complete bullshit and fake company that I pretend I own.  But that's cuz I'm 50 shades of crazy.

Thanks for sticking by me so long reedors of my superior intelligent.  That crazy glu really freakin works. Lol

Don't forget,

I AM ALWAYS WATCHING EWE

 

I'm your backdoor man

Hey ho everybody , Sam here ya'll lol.

So I wasn't able to blog for a while because I made a purchase of something quite sizable.  Being rich and almost famous is boring.  Sure I have some fun telling all you readers that I married a Shyster but that story line is just so fucking lame.  The fake twins, also fucking lame.  Fake Catholic, yawns....I should have been fake Scientologist, now THAT'S a cult just asking for someone just like me.  Crazy.  Paranoid.  Stalkerish.  Yep.   Anyhole I just know ya'll are wondering what I purchased so I'll tell you what I purchased even though I am an extremely private person who doesn't share real photos, real facts or real anything with you, the reador of my superior intelligent.  I bought a rocket and went to space.  Yes really.  Anyone who calls me a liar is a troll so the trolls can go !@##$.  Wow, I really got upset there didn't I lol

So I went to the rocket store place where kachillionares like myself, the Sam, go to purchase such things.  There was a waiting list and I called the Lindz on her prepaid motorola phone to do something about that.  So she went to the store for kachillionares and told them if they didn't get my rocket, she was gonna show them her tits.  WOW, I never saw employees work that quick to ensure I had my rocket within minutes.  They sure are swell! Not a single human in that place wanted to see the Lindz's titties.  To tell you the truth, I wouldn't want to see them either.  Because I'm straight up Flaming Homosexual.  I'm so happy I picked a religion (the Catholic) that is totally ok with my homosexualism.  I think there's a feast day dedicated to us gays but I don't need a day to feast my gayness, I do that everyday!  Lol

So then I went to pilot school, not the fake pilot school I went to before for my pretend Cessna,  but rocket pilot school for Astronaut entrepreneurs like myself. While I was at pilot school there was a lovely man named Dick who taught us how to use the brakes on the rocket.  I liked his style.  I liked it a lot.  I asked him out for drinks after he commended me for being his very best student ever.   He said yes!

I was so nervous and afraid I was going to go number one in my panties so I decided to wear extra panties, you know, for layers.  I guess wearing my days of the week underwears all at the same time was bad for my circulation because my feet went numb so I took off the Monday and Tuesday panties in the eating establishment bathroom.  I exited the stall to go look in the mirror to make sure my daisy duke shorts didn't make my ass look too big (they did, my butt was the size of Texas) and guess who was standing there, go on, guess...It was Dick!  He told me he wasn't able to stay for dinner and I was crushed.  Like my heart got ripped from my body and was astampered on (yes it's a fucking work asshole) but he said he would totally make it up to me. Right there in the men's bathroom!  He rammed his rocket into myspace.  And gee his hair smelled terrific.  He said he was gonna call me but it's been 2 weeks and no call.  Probably cuz I don't have a phone lol, too poor!  I should ask the Lindz to steal one for me, that's how she gets hers.

So I graduated top of my class in Top Gun Astronaut Entrepreneurs school.  I was the only student in my class AND I had ass sex with the teacher so I was pretty much going to get that award.

The second I graduated I warmed up the rocket and shot my load into space.  It was fun with all the space stuff I saw like:
Clouds
Dark
Space
Stars
Worm holes
 Pillsbury dough boy
 And I had an excellent ground crew so it was a pretty good time.

Being a kachillionare, flaming homo, 6", Vegan Catholic who plays banjo really isn't that bad!

And now onto some of my untruths....so like member that time when I did this:

and I was all like "I ain't deleting this post ya'll cuz I'm not ascared"

I lied!

LOL ya'll

member, I am always watching EWE

Cheetos and beer

HEY EVERYBODY!  IT'S ME.  SAM.  SAM THE MAN.  SAMMY SAMMERSON. SAMMICH. I could totally go for a sammich but I can't afford bread because poor.

Anyhole, to all the trollz out there on the Twitter and the internets, I'm real.  You're not.  Here's my proof

That's me.  Sam.  44. Dad.  Twins.  Boys.  HESTON, ALEX.  Heston ate Alex though. lol. CEO of pretend company.  Banjo player.  Vegan. Catholic. Reader.  Made a book.  Out of construction paper from my construction paper company. I own hotels.  I traded my railroads for Boardwalk and Park Place.  I totally ruined Mark the goat.  He'll never play monopoly with me again lol.  I'm totally a hetro.  Non gayism.  Almost Mormon'd but I quit it at the spaceship.  I can spell construction and commercial however I do not know what they mean.  But it doesn't matter because #FakeMillionaire woot!

I'm going to get a bit more specific on my post on my batblog dated 1/7/16.  The one about strategory planning.  On books.  You see, being a fake millionaire means attempting to sell a few ebooks for a few bucks so I can be a fake millionaire + $3.00.

I have a publisher and he/she/it has a zero budget for marketing and advertising my ebook  which means there are $0.00 in the budget because poor.  So I had a really good idear because my fake publisher had zero (drinking game alert x2) dollars. And the idear was this: Use the tabloids.  You see, they all know my name just like Starbucks does.  Then I'll do a symbolic nod to the costar of that movie Castaway.  The soccer ball.  Wilson.  I think it's funny because I'm funny in my very very very private life.  Of which I blog about.  The results make me look really stupid.  I haven't sold shit lol.

I have no dreams.  At all.  I wanted my story, my truth to be out there but since I'm a pathetic liar, I make shit up and try to sell ebooks.  Witch is reely funny since I can barely reed!  Irony baby.

I'm gonna donate the $3.00 that I maid from the ebook to polygamy escape groups of witch there are none so it's going straight into mah pocket baby! lol. So I'm still in Vegas of Las and I am meating new friends.  Theres a banjo player at the sign of where all the tourismists go to get their picture taken and I talked at him.  He actually maid money from these people.  So I will copy him.  I have a banjo and a case too.  So tomorrow I will start doing that.

Is it Friday yet?  I have to fake lent lol.  No, actually I think I'll fly my concordia to the Seattle of which I live at and maybe I'll see if I can party.  With people.  I can't party with people because they don't like me.  I often carry a plastic spork and lick it when I'm nervous.  People seem to be put off by that but whateves!  lol

I tried to join Gym but I can't find his number.  I don't know how everyone joins him but I've never seen him OR have his number.  Sometimes I think it's just God testing me.  And He won again.  Ugh. lol

I love ya'll.  No I don't.  I just try to type like a 'Sam'.  Who is a flaming homo.  From the South.  Running from people who hate homos.  And such.

Remember, I AM ALWAYS WATCHING EWE

Interview with "Sam Cooper" and "the Lindz"

Hey ho everybody!  It's me! Fake Sam. Lol.  So I spouted a ton of crap over the years.  Things like being a guy, getting married, having twin boys by my whore cousin, being real lol, oh and shit like this hear:

Then this happened (again) to my twitter account:

But since Jackie can't hack, I ain't worried.

 Dear Psycho, my password is the phrase you used to refer to your cunt (stinky_ pinky).

Sincerely, me.

Then this happened:

Dear Jackie Overton,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sincerely,
Everyone on Twitter

Now "Sam" has stated on her dying blog that she has/will unleashed/unleash "the Lindz" and how everyone will be terrified.  Unless she burps or farts in my presence, I am not terrified.  I'm gonna double dog dare "the Lindz" to come at me bitch!  I am delighted to see Jackie's meltdown.  What a wack job!  What ever will she do without her fake Sam Cooper?  Who cares!  Amirite?

So this was fun:

The moment I saw the legal document, I knew Jackie was too much of a pussy to keep her nasty posts about Mary up.  I KNEW SHE WOULD DELETE IT AND, AS USUAL, I WAS RIGHT. 
Me:  #AlwaysWinning  Jackie:  #AlwaysAloser

How did I know she'd delete the posts?  This:

Jackie Overton:  you are a pussy!  Why did you delete all those posts?  Because you are afraid.  Scared.  Pussy.  Idiot.  I actually dared her to keep the posts up, she backed down because #pussy.

Now that the pussy bitch deleted her posts, I decided to call "Sam" for an interview.  It went a little something like this:

Me:  "May I speak to Samuel Jacob Cooper please"
Jackie:  "This is ka ka kelsey williams"
Me:  "Hi Kelsey, this is Agent Orange from the publication 'Catfish weekly'. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?"
Jackie:  *burps loudly and yells for Della*
Me:  "Jackie, I know its you.  Stop with all these games.  Just tell me why you pretend to Sam aka the homosexual"
Jackie:  "He isn't a homo! He's a 44 married dad of identical twin boys heston and alex ceo of sjcinvestic 66 banjo playing vegan catholic avid reedor author of Almost Astarlia'd and Almost Human'd.  I own gas statchions.  And hotels.  And 16 construction paper companies in the nebraskas and kansas and east dakota and iowa and a few 'M' states which i cunt remember rite now...."
Me:  "Seriously Jackie, you fucked up.  The 'He" and "I" thing again.  Seriously, what the fuck?"
Jackie (in a deep fake southern accent):  "Yeah, um, this here is Sam.  Why are you poking the bear?  The Lindz will hack you if you call here again."
Me:  "Jackie, I actually gave you my password and you still can't hack me.  Are you dyslexic or something?"
Jackie ( in her 'The lindz" voice):  "fuck you fuck you fuck you i will kill you i hate you trollz and i will fuck you up bitches.  Imma get mah lawyer.."
Me:  "You can't afford it bitch"
Jackie:  (in her stupid 'Sam' voice):  "Don't call here again" click.

I call back

Della:  "Who in the tarnation is this?"
Me:  "Is Jackie there?"
Della:  "She's in the basement crying. Call back later"

Jackie will come back to twitter as Sam and the lindz again.  She has to, what will she do with 23 hours of free time now?  Get a job?  HAHAHAHA!

 First person to find the new Sam Cooper (it must be Jackie's) and shut it down gets a tee shirt.  I'm thinking something like this:

 You're welcome.

Later ya'll! 

2016 is sooo my year amirite?

Based on Jackie Overton's "Sam" post dated 1/4/16

Hey ho everyone!  Sam hear!  Single Vegan Catholic who plays a banjo.  I play with other things but I'm not asposed to talk about touching myself down their. lol. I'm a reel eggcited about what this year will mean to my life.  Like, will I escape the authorities on that pesky warrant?  Will I lose my social security disability money because I rote a book and sold 2 of them on the Amazon?  Will I ever be able to kill mamma Dell and keep the house?  You know, innocent shit like that. 

So I'm currently in Las Vegas for this hole month.  It's really Vegas of Las as only really important and rich people like myselfs are aware. Of. Lindsey goes back to Austarlia once a month for a year for her to keep up her dual citizens.  And it's gonna be hard to talk at her because Austarlia is like a bunch of hours ahead of us.  And they don't have cell phones or computers so I will really miss the Lindsay linda. Me.  Sam.  Jackie Overton.  Both my characters are so boring.....I'm gonna fix that.

So Lindz got her period.  I say she's my friend but lets face facts, I don't trust anything that bleeds for 10 days and still lives.  It's just unnatural.  She needs a break.  I haven't decided which bone.  The weird thing about LIndz getting her period is this:
She's a vampire.
She was bitten in Austarlia by a lesbian vampire.  Are there lesbian vampires?  I always thought vampires were bisexual.  I used to pretend I was a vampire and I wore my bedsheet as a cape and jumped off the couch but since I'm 505 pounds, I broke the couch. I twisted my ankle real bad too.  Mamma Dell is still pissed off about the couch.  She was even more mad when she found my stash of roofies under there lol. Screw her!  If she didn't want a 505 pound psychopath daughter, she shouldn't have acted like the town pump.  She really got around.  And I got round. Lol.  Anyhole...as her going away party I took her to a very expensive meal at Wendys.  I own a portion of stock there!  I stole all their straws so I am a stock owner.  They'll restock of course, but for now, I am a stock holder.  And a vegan so I ate the cheeseburger.  All vegans eat cheeseburgers.  It's like lent in reverse.  For those of you who don't understand lent, it's a very complicated ritual for me, the Catholic.  And I just don't feel like using google to look it up and understand it so I'll tell you this, it involves ketchup.  And wine.  Possibly a priest.  And a young, fair woman.  Who attracts the attention of the young priest.  They stare at each other longingly as the ketchup is passed.  Beads of sweat appear on his brow and she sighs heavily as her dirty pillows rise up and down....

Sorry I got distracted, I was helping my dog find the peanut butter.  There.  At my special place.  So as a special treat for Lindz's going away to Austarlia, I followed her to the Casino at Vegas of Las and she said she had to go "keep the party going".  I didn't understand since Lindz is butt ugly.  She's so ugly her mamma shaved her ass and made her walk backward.  She's so ugly, the vampire who turned her ended up killing herself with a silver bullet.  30 times.  She didn't leave a note.  So we'll never know what happened.  Trust me, she ugly!  I asked her what did she mean by "keeping the party going" and she said she just knocks on doors and asks people to invite her in.  No one invites her in.  She has to follow the migrant workers to get her 'fix'.  You know, b l o o d.  Cuz that's what vampires eat.  So to make her trip to Austarlia as special as it can be, she let me pick out her coffin.  She has to travel that way because vampire.

I hope she likes it, this is what I selected:

So I rote some goals for this year:

1) Adopt twin boys, can't gut them until after May 2017 when the adoption is officialized
2) Google the phrase 'court order'.  I don't know what it means and I continually use it lol
3) Find a new victim, again. All the old ones figured me out.
4) Don't get doxed (lol, fucked up already)
5) Figure out who how to protect myself from the Russian IPs.  It's ok though, the author of jackieoverton.blogspot.com uses IPs from all over the world.  You're welcome!  You may want to understand the phrase 'Brute force'...
6) Call the Twitter police department and tell them there are trolls there.
7) Be a better troll.
H) Pretend to be a man
I) Pretend to have feelings

So I have to get an adoption attorney at lawyer, for my bail.  But since I can't afford one, Miranda will issue me one.  I think I understood that cop, I don't know who Miranda is but I am still waiting on a call.  I hope she's blonde.  And I really hope the carpet matches the drapes.

So the book is coming out soon.  The one I wroted.  I have to use stragetory to finger out when to release it.  Also there's a problem with hiding funds so I have to see if mamma Dell will open a paypal account so that I can get payed.  My monkey is lethargic and won't eat cheetos.

I gotsa go, Lindz is picking at her scabs and sucking her own blood.  She's a lousy vampire lol

Chitlins

Based on Jackie Overton's "Sam" post dated 12/5/2015

Hey everybody lol.  It's Sam lol.  And I have quite the Kendrandrum.  See yesterday I went to orentation of the people who want to make adoption at the STATE OF ILLINOIS of which I attended and it was a hole hour.  Imagine that.  Orientation for potential adoptive parents.  One hour only.  So they issued me one of those numbers like what rich people get when they shop for lunch meat at the deli counter.  It's a complex system that spits out tickets with numbers on them.  I was issued number 505 which is Jackie Overton's current weight lol.

I went in their with a list of questions like:

how are babies made?
How long is it if I put my order in for 2 whiteys?
They must be twins.
They must be boys.
Non - J.E.W.S cuz Catholic

Anyhole their wuz only 4 people their.  Mel Gibson, Madonna, Elvis and me.  Since I am so much richer than them all combined, I think they'll call me first.  I almost didn't go becauz Tom Cruize was asposed to be their but his spaceship never arrived so lol for that.  I went home with a head full of information.  Like how to make this meeting more believable for you, the reedor of my famous blog.  And the way I do that is by telling you that anyone that says I'm a lair is infact, an untruth teller.  Or simply put, a troll.  On twitter.  Where I live. At.

So my whore of a cousin got herself knocked up.  By a man.  With a penis.  They are due in March. They are boy twins.  Cuz twin girls must be eaten before they get dirty pillows.  So my cousin, the whore, wants to give up the unborn babies.  Since she ain't keeping them, I kind of want them.  To add to my collection of stuff I really don't have like:

a guitar
a friend named Mark
any friends at all
any property
dreams, goals or aspirations

You know, the usual!

I'm gonna have to mediate or meditate or summthing like that about the question of weather or not to adopt her bastard boys.  I think perhaps I should put a poll on the twitter about it so I will.  lol.  All the terrorist accounts that follow me (because I purchased followers with my $2.32 of income from my book on the Amazon) will all vote I'm sure!   Speaking of Amazon, I have a helper their.  His name is Eugene.  See:
https://twitter.com/EugeneAmazon1  So for all u haters, suck on that! lol

So Maybe I don't want to adopt the boys (seriously Jackie, you dedicate half your idiot post to fake twins and the whore cousin and now you maybe don't want to??? Wackjob!) and maybe I may just purchase twin boys domestic or inter national.  They get shipped in a fedex box.  With holes so they don't asuffacate. I seriously didn't think I had this many choices!  Anyhole, my whore couzin's daughter (did I miss something here?  I can't keep up with all the imaginary people) talked to me about kinship adoption, yes it's a real wurd, google duh!  She said that she needs to get on with her life and there's no room for bastard twin boys in the crack den of which is where she lives, with couzin.  At a location unknown.  Because when I invent people, I rarely give locations.  I am geographically ignorant lol. So I'm gonna check with mamma dell to see if we can get a few crates for the twin boys and then on Monday I'll contact family law for bail and shit.

I NEED GOD TO HELP ME DECIDE.  Pasgetti or hamburger bun?  Witch is more better for infants?

Till next time, I am Sam.  Vegan.  Catholic. Single.  Banjo player.  Psychopath.

Photo credit is from a Twitter user (former victim of Jackie Overton).  I sadly cannot remember the user but will credit source once I locate her (with her permission).

Just die already

Hey Ho, Fake Sam Cooper here!

Today we will be absolutely sincere. 

I went on a fake vacation with a fake wife and my two fake sons. 

This is Alex and Heston

I don't have a photo for my fake wife yet.  I haven't decided what she looks like but I gave her a backstory of being a LAWYER cuz Jackie Overton needz a lawyer Lol!

Anyhole, I spent the day on 17 of my twitter accounts but I have to not post as Sam Cooper because pretend vacation.  I is smart.  No one has fingered me out except the trolls.  See alls I do is say "oh they are trolls" and then I get followers!  Like this guy:

Yes, having a bunch of Arabic speaking Twitter followers is important for my biz cuz you know, real estate!
That's what I pretend to do.  And lets face it, this guy certainly needs a house in Chicago Seattle where I live in Oklahoma Texas.  Where else is he gonna store his glasses and shooting instruments?

So after pretend vacation, I decided I still wasn't getting enuf attentions so I had to kill a cat and tell everyone:

I called her Lucky because now she's dead. Lol

Sometimes the real me slips on my Samuel Cooper tweets

And sometimes I run into people who are way more crazy than me, Sam Jackie Overton Cooper

Dear Runwildmoonchld,
The truth is out.
Suck it.
Sincerely,
Everyone on the internet.

P.S.
Anyone who wants to watch batshit crazy on an entirely different level, follow this insane person:
https://twitter.com/runwildmoonchld

She almost sounds jealous that she wasn't catfished.  She obviously harbors a deep resentment for MB and needs attention.  She knows Sam Cooper isn't real but plays as if it is real. 

So to recap

I am crazy.  I am lonely

I'm vegan

I'm Catholic

But not really because I did not know Pride was a deadly sin.  So maybe next time Jackie Overton can fake being Catholic with a little google search
http://www.dummies.com/religion/christianity/catholicism/basic-beliefs-of-catholicism/

Jackie Overton is such a lazy criminal!  Anyhole, back to Sam the Fake....

I wonder sometimes if my fake followers aka me actually exist in a different dimension?  Like what if I'm some kind of psychotic and I can anticipate future stuffs like:
people
earth
and such

Like maybe one day they'll make a tub of butter that I can eat and not get the shits?  I wish I was an inventamatizer becuz I would make something like that.  But that is actual work and who does actual work???? Not this fat bitch!!! Lol

I guess what I am trying to say is I am crazy.  I am lazy.  I invent people.  I have no life.  No one likes me.  I am pure evil.  And I love MB.  Now she's all jealous cuz I got a fake wife and 2 fake kids.  Since I'm not bold enough to give fake Sarah (aka wife lawyer) a face, the author of this blog will do it

Since she looks like a cat, she will have to die. 

Ya'll have a great day.  Remember,
I AM ALWAYS WATCHING EWE

Jackie is Whackie

I encourage everyone to read this:
http://www.nobatmanyet.com/jackie-is-whackies-story-of-lies-manipulation-and-deception/

Jackie Overton has been manipulating people and scamming for a while.  I imagine her access to funds are limited at this point since this:

I'll be getting a bit more crass as I blog about this vile excuse for a human.

Breaking down

(hey Jackie, MB doesn't read your stupid blog)

I decided to have some fun.  Sam aka Jackie has a free statcounter on her blog.

Finding the html for her stat code was very easy.  That's all I'll say about that (wink wink).


From Jackie Overton's blog post dated November 23rd, 2015:

Dear you (she doesn't give MB a capital 'Y'.  I can smell the hate from this simple "you")

"I don't even know who to write to anymore."  I wonder if that is because all your victims and potential victims have been made aware of your arrest?  Who is going to fall for your shit Jackie?  NO ONE.

"I'm in so much emotional pain tonight I can't even hardly keep it together."  Can't even hardly?  Sounds very Jackie to me.  The lines of Sam and Jackie are blurring.  I can't even hardly!  Probably because a person needs male genitals to do that.  Wait, where was I...

"Last night was the end of something we created" *vomits suddenly*
Jackie Overton is placing blame on the victim AGAIN.  A simple "we" tells me that.  Speaking of creating, I did this:  http://jackieoverton.com/.  I have a few more of those waiting to go live.  You're welcome Jackie!

"You make me miss you
You make me want you back
You make me believe in hope that you will find me again because it was the same hope that brought us together"

WTF?  She never saw Sam because SAM COOPER, SAMUEL JACOB COOPER DOES NOT EXIST.  How the hell can "she" find "you" as Sam?  She can't.  She met JACKIE OVERTON.  Large pig and dirty scammer. 

Nigerian romance scammers write this way.  Place the blame on the victim, demand money.

The rest of Jackie Overton's post is absolutely nauseating, I shall improvise.

I think that I, jackie, sam, no upper case letters, because I ain't derserving of that there proper type of shit, am gonna write this hear post because I am pretending that Sam Cooper exists for the press.  I will die suddenly maybe and then I can come back as Sam Cooper's twin.  Do I have make believe brothers?  Maybe I do and don't know about them.  Or maybe I'll fake an adoption and marriage.  Or sumthing.  I dunno yet.  Waiting for mamma Dell to get released from jail.  Ain't no one paid the electricks and I gotsa go with my ladtop close to mah neighbor to leech onto they're intranets.  I don't like that because they gots big dogs that don't like me.  Animals can sense my evil.  They want to bite me.  Lol

Anyhole, am sad and stuff. "My I'm fine game is at the highest level".  Online poker totally rulez dudes! I ain't been off the internet in a hole 62 hours now.  I am hallucinating from lack of sleep.

I LOVE EWE AND WILL STALK YOU EVEN WHEN I AM DEADED AND BURYIED.  I HOPE EWE COME TO MY FUN E RAL.  AND THEN EWE WILL BE SORRY!

Or not, because I am fake.

Love always Ya'll,

Fake Sam
Jackie the Pig

I still love MB

Mood: Cheetos

(based on Jackie's post of Dec. 20, 2015)

all i have to say is i still love her and in love with her and i dont know why she threw me under the bus because tire tracks on my shirt are not good.  Kendra busted out.  Our affair.  And she was gud friend but she made a lie and she did that on June 1, 2015.  She and me and me and she and I as my alter ego Lindsay aka the Lindz aka notmyfault nothing is evermyfault ever beerme.  anyhole she and I, I and she were trying to asquash the rumors of me being a catfish named Jackie Overton of who I don't know and yes, she looks exactly like the Lindsay but they are not the same, who ever the aposed person Jackie I don't know.
And all these lies are cuz she (kendra) has was been unfarely attackered.  and lost out on jobs and opportunities because of it.  Like no one takes her serious because she is a flip flopper who can't keep her story straight and she wants her own show on tv but she really is a horrid woman.  So of course, I am great friends with her.
so THANK YOU KENDRA.  For being an untrusting friend who helped me con MB.

Oh and anyone who doubts this is a liar and a fake and a troll. 

I need attunchion

Sam Here! Jackie Sam.  Sam Jacob Cooper.  Jackie Overton.  
Vegan Catholic Banjo Playah!

So like I blog and stuff.  Sinse I ain't gettin enuf attunchion, I make comments on my blog like this:

I am so stupid!  I totally left those bad comments and I did it 3 minutes apart.  Duh.  Lol

Speaking of Lol, have a gander at this

 Now ya'll, I do book review and such.  Leik I review this book with words liek here:
 Do you like
Green eggs and ham

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
Green eggs and ham.


This book is by my gud friend Dr. Seuss.  I know him personally.  He is going to do artistic work on my book cover of witch I am going to right. 
 
So sinse I went and released a bunch of recordings, I didn't get the girl.  I don't understand what happened. Lol

Doesn't blackmail and treats and stalking usually get the girl?  Well anyhole, it didn't happen so now Im gonna be Sam online here and right like a guy would.  So I will pretend she will realize how much I have to offer.  Because I am a Single.  Vegan.  Catholic.  66. Man. Banjo playah.  And maybe it will take the second change for her or another person to realize that. That I have alott to offer.

I am the gold treasure at the end of a rainbow.  Or maybe just the turd in the toilet that won't flush.  The kind you need to get a wire hanger and straighten that hanger and poke at the turd and try to break it up and it still won't flush.  Yes, that.

Anyhole, I must go eat steak now because that's what vegans do.  Only I can't afford steak because it's not on sail now.  Maybe some dinty moore that expired.  I would ask mamma but I can't because jail.  Lol

Cold Whether

Based on Jackie Overton's blog post of 12/28/2015

"I am in Chicago until tomorrow. We are getting slammed with a big snow and ice storm . I was going to fly out tonight but the risk is not worth it. I’m a good pilot but even I know my limits."

Idiot, you don't fly.  You are not a pilot.  You can't afford a $77.00 ticket on Jet Blue.  

"I had a great Christmas."

 Really?  You owe $300.00 for bond since bailing out of jail.  Where's mamma?  I understand they held her since you only bailed yourself out.  Who is buying your cheetos Jackie?  No one.

" I took 19 of my family and friends to Morehead City, North Carolina for 5 days of Christmas fun."

 Mamma is in jail, your brother wants nothing to do with you, your father wants nothing to do with you, your cousin sent you a tweet about how embarassed she is that you drug your family into your bullshit catfishing.  No one is left Jackie.  Even your dog hates you.

"The past several years I had spent the holidays alone"

 I believe that. 

My ebook will finally be released in the next 2 weeks. If you have preordered thank you for that. I have 4700 + preorders. I can’t believe that many people are interested. A lot of them are from overseas. I didn’t know I had an international interest. Very cool! It will be followed up by the release of the actual book. In paperback only. I only ordered 1,000 paperbacks to be printed because I believe most of my sales will be digital. 

Jackie Overton is writing fiction, bad fiction, but fiction nevertheless.  She claims it to be non-fiction.  This will bite her in the ass in the future.

I have met an amazing young lady named Ellie. 

Overton is still stalking her previous victims.  I have no idea how painting herself into a corner will work in her scam, but she's doing it.

I am happy. I can’t wait to spend New Years Eve in Las Vegas with Lindsay and her fiancée Ben. 

What the hell happened to BOB????

Hil Air eous

Based off of Overton's post dated 11/29/15

"Weekend update"

(I will explain these photos in a moment)

Tokyo to Dubai:  11 hours 50minutes

Tokyo to NY: 12 hours 30minutes

NY to Chicago: 2 hours 20 minutes

If I am in Tokyo and wanted to get to Chicago, I will assume that total flight time is near 15 hours.  I may have a 2 to 5 hour layover in NY.

If I am in Tokyo and wanted to get to Dubai, I will assume that the total flight time is near 12 hours.

Jackie Overton pretends to be Sam Cooper.  She also pretends that Sam served in the armed services.

Jackie Overton posts:

"Then I flew off to Dubai to meet up with 5 of my buddies. They are all stationed in Japan and could not get home in time to spend the holiday with their families. They did manage to get time off just enough to hang out with me. And it was just what I needed. 5 guys telling me to let things go. To look at what is in front of me instead of what is behind me. To think about the next beautiful, amazing woman who will actually want to make a life with me. And how I am robbing that woman right now, of even trying to welcome her in. As they were talking all I could picture was Peyton. It’s confusing."

Let's break this down:


They are all stationed in Japan and could not get home in time to spend the holiday with their families

If I follow this correctly, "Sam" is stating that his "buddies" are STATIONED in Japan (I won't say how this is wrong as Jackie is reading my blog.  I clearly do NOT want to educate her.)

The "buddies" couldn't get home in time for the holidays so opted for Dubai? Yeah, um..no.  Too much wrong in that statement.  

Since Jackie is only familiar with popular cities, I drafted my travel time estimates from Tokyo.  

 

Jackie Overton LIAR, THIEF, CRIMINAL

So idiot Jackie, aka psycho stalker, got her boxers in a bunch.  Because psycho.
The funniest thing I have read on her "Samuel Cooper" blog is this:

"Like I said a few hours ago. The police and Twitter are working with me to help me get rid of my stalker. Thank you to my local PD, thank you to Twitter, and thank you to everyone who is supporting me(not a single person supports you because um, you are a psychotic criminal). I appreciate all the awesome messages I got for finally standing up against these trolls (you mean your messages to yourself? mk).

Twitter suspended both of (name of victim removed) Twitter accounts. Twitter has assigned someone to me to start helping me knock out accounts (HAHAHAHAHA, THAT IS FUNNY). So if you are a troll and you have multiple accounts (LIKE YOU, ALL YOUR ACCOUNTS?)on that list we posted (WHAT LIST.  DID YOU EAT THAT TOO?) either delete it or you will get ALL of your accounts suspended soon. (NOPE) They are also looking to see if they can Verify my Twitter account (please do this now.  We need your phone number) so no more impersonating accounts and no more harassment like this gets by them. The guy working with me (give him a name please.  I need another of your imaginary characters) told me it’s more accounts than I have listed on here. Which is really rude Lol Ya’ll need to get a hobby or something. My gosh!"

Are you fucking insane?  Wait, we already established that yes, you clearly are fruit loops.

She thinks that we, the reader, will believe she would voluntarily go to the police? Um Jackie, the last time you saw the police was when they booked you and detained you.  I think you remember.  Mamma Dell surely does. Lol.

Twitter has never assigned a thing to you.  If Twitter was actually concerned about accounts, they would have shut all of yours down and all of ISIS.  You know, the followers you purchased.  Do you communicate with your ISIS followers?  Do you know Arabic?  Use google.  Stupid hillbilly...

So let's neatly wrap this up.

You are a known criminal. Criminals lie.  You're fat.  You're ugly.  U G L Y you ugly, wha wha, you ugly.
You are filled with evil.  You couldn't get a stalker if you paid cash. Money.  Gold. Or cigarettes.

Do your FL relatives buy any of your bullshit?  Get back in your house shed and STFU.  No one wants to hear anything that comes out of your piehole unless it's the sound of you choking to death because you forgot (again) to CHEW the donut.  NOW that is something I would listen to. Over and over and over ....

SAMUEL JACOB COOPER: fake
Jackie Overton:  Criminal
You know, for g o o g l e
Jackie Overton has ISIS followers on twitter

@notbatmanyet on Twitter is a fraud.

Jacqueline Overton threatens users with physical violence toward their families:

I'm wondering which part of this blog hit the trigger with you....I'll take psych eval for a hundred Alex. 

Later!

Google bitch. Google.