Looking for love under my couch

Sam here
Paranoid
Delusional
Virgin
No driver's license 

CEO
many companys of which I have
Father of a living twin monkey called Alex
I ate Heston
Banjo player
Vegan
Catholic
Single and ready to mingle.
Pilot
Plain owner of concords.jet
Had tea with the Queen of the English
Real good stick figure drawer of
Went to Austarlia
Own homes in UTAH
Shipping my slave to CHICAGO in a suitcase
Going to French
And now: MARINE!

When I was younger I went to a building were they're were people who had books. To learn from. I would go they're on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  From 9 am to 3 pm.  And we got to have lunch.  At lunch time.

We had a playground to play on and I reely liked it they're.  But when I started to grow dirty pillows, I had feelings that I could not explain.  Until Lisa...sweet Lisa.  My girlfriend they're.  We dated on and off for a hole day until the teachers called our parents and we were told that it unnatural and we were going to go to hell.  So then I went to a place where they do electric shock therapy and it was fun. Lol

Then I joined the Marines.  So 8 years later when I got back from Marines, Lisa was rite there at airport and I and her went right back to were we started 8 years ago at building with teachers.  I tricked her into getting into my car and I drove to were I live. At base.  With Marines.  I asked did she want a glass of water and she did.  So I roofied her.  

Dang! Dating is so hard these days for someone leik me.  So I kept a steady stream of "mamma's little helper pills" to keep Lisa from running away from me.  It was like we picked up right where we left things. Before I joined the Marines Team.  We did stuff like the worship at the church of The Catholic, of which I am a member of.  And I once took her to a bar but I forgot to bring her back home and I had to drive back there to find her and she was in a back seat of some guy's car taking a nap so I just carried her off to my House Shed by back yard.  And put her on the sitting chair with ropes like I usually do.

I had to do some court appointed thing that I am totally innocent of but I think it was mistaken identity or something like that.  Anyhole, I must have forgotten to tie up Lisa because when I got back home she wasn't on her sitting chair.  Any more.  I looked and looked but couldn't find her.  I was sad.  And paranoid.  What if the cops come?  So I found all the pills from which I was feeding her and I put it in a plastic bag that usually houses things like:

sang wiches
jelly beans
severed fingers
and such


So then about 3 months later she knocked on my shed door and I answered it.  And boy was I a surprized!  She was pregnant!  With my son.  Only sons can be born because girls get dirty pillows and have to go to the time out closet to pray the gay away.  She, Lisa, was a confuse about time and lost 3 months of her life as she has no memorys. Of it at all. 

You know when God tells you stories of faith and love and then he tells you to do something about it? So I followed my God's advice and I told her she can stay with me and we would finger it out.  About what to do.  With a boy child on the way I could not be happyier.  And then her family and my family pressurized us to get married. But God told me nope, not this one.  She is going to die under your couch if you marry her.  So I did not marry the Lisa.

And I found out while I was away at Marines, being completely faithfull to her because let's face facts, who's gonna have sex with this guy?  I'm not even real! Lol

She had been through relation ships with man/mens, an army of manly men who did not treat her rite. At all. They did sex to her. And then did not call the next day.  How rude!

So Linda/Lindz/Lisa did reside with me.  At shed house and we were happy but I did not marry or propose or that because God.   But she and I, I and she were not communication with each other with truth.  Or simply put, we did lies.  To each others.  Alot.

She escaped by chewing through the ropes of witch I used to make her stay because I did not want to roofie my baby mamma.  Until after my son was born witch he was not.  And she grabbed Mamma Dell's keys and took off in the car so fast that she hit a electrics pole head on and she died.
Killing her instantly and my son.
I went to therape and lost my minds.
They made me into a funtioning robot and I got to play with tin foil all day.  So I got locked away for 10 years.  At aslyum.
And when I got out I was like, no.  I'm not doing that again. Because dead Lisa's can't love me.  And jail.

So I had to narrow a list for next victims
1)  Goodly women with no baby full of chillrens
2) A heart beat
3) Wants to have twin boys
4) Plays into my fantasy of being a kichillionare
5) Not talk to me like I am a serial killer
6) No drug resistance to roofies

So I aquired my next target.  I have her in my house but she's freaking out rite now and I last seen my roofie stash in a plastic bag under my couch.  ONE PILL is all that stands between me and TRUE love.
Sometimes love is a real gosh durn pain in the backside!

The morals of the story is this.
If you have a running victim, hide the car keys.  Because if someone escapes from you in a car and they hit the electrics pole, you will not have electrics to the Color TV for a hole week.  And then I miss my favorite show.  On which my Girl Friend lives.

Have a great Saturday or Sunday or Monday or Tuesday or whatever day this is!~
Don't forget, I AM ALWAYS WATCHING EWE